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Directed By
Steven Spielberg
Written By:
Willard Huyck, Gloria Katz
Cast:
Harrison Ford, Kate Capshaw, Jonathan Ke Quan, Roshan Seth, Roy Chiao, David Yip, Ric Young, Philip Tan, Dan Aykroyd, Michael Yama, Ahmed El Shenawi, Amrish Puri, Philip Stone Blumburtt, Chua Kah Joo, Dr. Akio Mitamura, Rex Ngui
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Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)
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Movie Review by Thom
May 22nd, 2008
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Accept No Substitutes
Favorite Movie Quote: "Hey, Dr. Jones, no time for love!"
When I think of the best trilogies (prior to the release of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull making this whatever a four-ilogy is called) I always want to include Indiana Jones in the discussion, but Temple of Doom is a rectal loaf from either a large dog or a small person. Because of this flick, it's less a trilogy and more a 2.5... ilogy.
In what starts a series of increasingly ridiculous action sequences to get the characters where the filmmakers want them to be, we kick off in Shanghai. Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) gets poisoned, song and dance gal Willie (Kate Capshaw) ends up with the antidote, and Jones absconds with her and his trusty sidekick, Short Round (Jonathan Ke Quan). They get on a plane that's owned by the guy they are fleeing, and the pilots bail out over the middle of nowhere rather than simply turn back. Our trios of misfits jump into a self-inflating rubber raft and hop out of the plane, land and sled down a mountain into a river where they go over a 400-ft. water fall, where they end up in a village whose magic stones have been stolen. Even though Indy follows up on the missing stones in Pankot Palace, it isn't until - in true dumb ass villain fashion - someone tries to kill him that he suspects anything.
In addition to the fact that Temple of Doom decides to get our characters into the action by mistake rather than any conscious decision on their part, we are subjected to action leftovers from Raiders; the mine chase, the raft out of the plane, and the rolling gong were all sequences that were cut from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Also, the filmmakers feared Temple of Doom was too dark so there are randomly placed moments of humor that seem completely out of place.
As if that's not bad enough, consider what Temple of Doom foists upon us to replace the elements of the first film; Nazis are replaced by some bullsh*t mystic Voodoo tribe (technically Thuggee, from which the term "thug" is derived, which were wiped out in the 19th century), the Ark is replaced with three matching pet rocks, rootin'-tootin'-feisty-machine-gun-shootin' Marion Ravenwood is replaced with screaming-whining-needs-fine-dining Willie who's - at best - an out of uniform cheerleader, and Belloq - one of film history's more interesting villains - is replaced with a guy named after a tooth.
The only area where we come out on par is with Short Round, who's hysterical with most of the film's best lines, "hang on, lady, we go for ride", "no time for love", "I'm very little, you cheat very big!", "maybe he's likes older women", etc, but Shorty isn't enough to save this flick from the jaws of doom.
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