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1 review

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Movie Details

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Directed By
Jared Cohn

Written By:
Jared Cohn

Carl Donelson, Steve Hanks, Jon Kondelik, Samuel Fisher, Samantha Stewart, Sam Ingraffia, Jared Cohn, Tony Christopher, Jessica Mann, Daniel Anderson, Graham Denman, Erin O'Brien

12/12/12 (2012)
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Movie Review by Mike Thomas
October 29th, 2012


Favorite Movie Quote: "HE'S-NOT-YOUR-CHILD!"

The film opens with a human sacrifice (can't go wrong with human sacrifice to kick off a movie, also fulfilling the Asylum's requirement for gratuitous nudity in a horror film).

We switch to to a delivery room, where Veronica Alvarez (Sara Malakul Lane) is suffering through a tortuous 27-hour labor marathon. Finally, under the vehement protestations of her husband (Carl Donelson), the doctor orders a C-section.

And the carnage begins.

Very soon, the body count continues, while Veronica struggles to both keep and understand her newborn child - and who is this mysterious dark-haired stranger (Jesus Guevara) that seems to know the truth surrounding baby Sebastian?

Roll Credits.

12/12/12, the creation of writer/director jared Cohn, is not what it appears to be. Though it begins as a nod to ROSEMARY'S BABY, the film progresses more like The OMEN, but that is where the similarities end. Sure, there are deaths (spoiler - I think not), but unlike the two alluded movies, they are up close and personal - and messy. Steve Hanks provides what little exposition is needed as Detective Barnes, rocking a "Kojak" lollipop, assigned to the Alvarez case, regardless where it takes him (that will be explained later). The fifth major player in this gory tale is Veronica's sister Gabriella (Laura Alexandra Ramos), living "100 miles away," and has issues of her own. The deaths come with measured frequency, and most are oblivious to the perpetually distraught Veronica. One very creative scene in the film has Veronica, sliding into madness, arguing with herself.

Now the gripes.

Having worked in a hospital, and being intimate with pharmaceuticals (on the legal, supply side aspect), this reviewer was distracted by the throwaway use of drug terms and procedures. Without giving anything away, there are just some things that cannot be done in the given circumstances. Writer Cohn could have benefitted from the consultation of someone with a little medical experience. Also, Graham Denman's musical score had that familiar, ambiguous creepy tone that set the mood, all-the-way-through-the-entire-movie. Oh, and Detective Barnes, probably a continuity faux pas, manages to come to Veronica's aid at the drop of a hat, even when she was at her sister's house - "100 miles away." The ending seemed to this reviewer to be WAY too drawn out, as if they need to fill the Asylum's prerequisite 90-minute time slot.

On my personal rating scale of with "5" being drop everything and see the movie now; if you're female, bear the producers' children and "0" being burn down the theater, murder the movie staff, and violate their dog, this movie earns a disappointing "2," using my patented Bell Curve for independent movies. 12/12/12 tries to tie in the Armageddon theme for this year's coming apocalypse, but the premise was too contrived. It substitutes obscenity for dialogue, gore for story, and could have been a tighter story if 30 minutes were lopped off. Though it tries to be creepy and scary, even while sitting alone and in the dark, this film was barely able to illicit an evil grin.

It is rated "R" for excessive, continuous, unrelenting coarse language, copious amounts of gore, nudity, rape and incest (you'll have to see that to believe it), which will make it a very difficult fit for any commercial television programming, unless you enjoy three-quarters of the dialogue blanked out. It will be difficult to find an audience for this film. It will be too familiar for hard-core horror fans, too severe for the tiny tots, and too late to be an addition to your Halloween Horror Marathons, as it is scheduled for release December 4th. Even on the Asylum's standard grading, this reviewer begrudgingly calls this a "pass."

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