Good for Nothing (2012)
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A Viagra Western
Favorite Movie Quote: "Muh Dick's Broke"
Virginal Isabella Montgomery (Inge Rademeyer, in her first full-length feature film appearance), is on her way to her uncle's ranch, following the death of her father. Her uncle's escorts are immediately and callously killed at the hands of The Man (Cohen Holloway - the right - his name is The Man), being innocent bystanders to a robbery. After a good slaughter, he needs a woman, and Isabella is handy, so he scoops her up, and drags her into the wilderness to have his way with her.
But cannot seal the deal.
What follows if a trek across the vast prairies of New Zealand (that's also right - we're in the middle of one of the first Dingo Westerns!), with Isabella in tow, in search of Nineteenth Century Viagra. Along the way, The Man invokes the ire of the brother of a lawman who he killed protecting Isabella's honor, and has assembled a posse to go after him, and his so-called accomplice, now branded a prostitute by the sheriff's (Jon Pheloung) brother.
GOOD for NOTHING is not your everyday, average Western. Sure there's big, husky, rootin' tootin', six-shootin'-toting men and damsels in distress, but the focus of the movie more closely follows a romantic comedy road trip, more on the lines of WHEN HARRY MET SALLY, or The AFRICAN QUEEN, where the two principals hate each other, but go for the Hollywood Ending.
Inge Rademeyer, who has a Lea Thompson thing going on, when she first started out, is consistent in her role of the plucky British ingenue, whose character's only prior exposure to lasciviousness was probably reading Jane Eyre. Inge's previous film experiences was Relocation Coordinator for the 2005 Peter Jackson's KING KONG, which, as producer of this film, probably influenced the character of The Man, who had just about as many lines as his simian counterpart. In fact, entire flow of the movie progresses as such, as terrified captor and ruthless killer become sympathetic damsel in distress and protector. Cohen Holloway's The Man was about as strong and silent as any Clint Eastwood Spaghetti Western character he's ever played. Together, they made the classic Odd Couple, two souls from literally opposite sides of the World who found each other. You can see the gradual transition between two, as symbolized by the gradual loss of her Victorian attire throughout the movie. The posse, led by Richard Thompson, was actually both the tension builder for the chase and the comic relief. The Hollywood Ending was as classic as any John Ford Western.
On my personal rating scale of with "5" being drop everything and see the movie now; if you're female, bear the producers' children and "0" being burn down the theater, murder the movie staff, and violate their dog, this movie earns a rousing "4." Of all the genres I avoid like the plague, Westerns are on the very top of the list. But be it Western, Drama, Science Fiction, or Comedy, the important thing that makes Entertainment will always be the story. GOOD for NOTHING has a story that makes you like the two main characters, and has you actually rooting for the good guy, even though he's a ruthless outlaw and killer.
I'm calling this a "Rent," unless you're a Romantic Comedy fan. Once you see the ending, the surprise is gone. It's "R" rating is for violence, and scenes of attempted rape make it unsuitable for the tiny tots, so, it may not translate well on commercial television; it will probably go to the premium cable channels after it's initial run. For rom-com fans, it is one for the books.
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