Barely Legal (2011)
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Naomi L. Selfman
Adrian Avila, Morgan Benoit, Erica Duke, Matt Miller, Rachel Riley, Alex Arleo, Yasmin Yeganeh, Jeneta St. Clair, Myko Olivier, Robert McMurrer, Tanya Giang, Lee Doud
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Favorite Movie Quote: "So Accidental Masturbation is Not a Sin?"
This is a tale of guide dogs, household sex aids and surprise coitus.
Virginal Sue (Melissa Johnston), slutty Lexi (Lisa Younger), and Everyman Cheryl (Jeneta St. Clair), are all turning eighteen on Saturday. And despite Sue's initial protestations, the three decide that they will all lose their virginity that day.
So they plan this huge party, where they will invite the men of their dreams and consummate their love.
As in all movies whose primary goal is sexual conquest, be it "nailing" that one conquest, or losing one's virginity, the entire movie is wrought with "train-wreck" carnal attempts, every single one of them ending in disaster. Eventually all discover that what they got was not what they wanted, but what they needed all along.
BARELY LEGAL follows the 80's formula movies of finding that one special moment, as depicted in movies like CAN'T HARDLY WAIT and FAST TIMES at RIDGEMONT HIGH, where the journey is both hilarious and epiphanal, and the Hollywood Ending is both surprising and touching.
Jeneta St. Clair fits as the "girl-next-door/everything-must-be-perfect" virgin, and she plays it with the innocence of "Gilligan Island's" Dawn Wells, that is, if "Maryann" were hotter, and didn't play coy to her sexuality. Lisa Younger is perfect as the facilitator virgin, whose sexual prowess encompasses everything known to Man, except for "the deed." Her quest for the perfect sexual encounter comes to an unexpected and surprising conclusion. But the standout performance must go to Melissa Johnston, whose journey from the alpha Catholic Virgin ("Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been four days since my last confession"), to sexual juggernaut, due to a chance conversation with "Sister Therese" (Yasmin Nathalie) on a fetish line called 1-800-CONFESSION (a sex line with a toll-free number?), made everything - and mean everything a source of carnal joy. You begin to smile long before Sue makes her "discoveries." Sue and Lexi also serve as surrogate "spirits" on Cheryl's shoulder, a sort and "angel" vs. "devil," early in the movie when Cheryl is given unwanted counsel.
As usual, the male cast, with the exception of the three final loves, are complete a-holes, starting with Cheryl's "true love," Jake (Morgan Benot), Ron Jeremy stand-in Rod (Irec Hargrove), and Androgynous Metrosexual Chris (Wolfie Travsch) all live down to the girls' disappointment. Scattered throughout the storyline, like twin "Scrats" from the ICE AGE series, are Tom (Andre Meadows) and Troy (Lee Doud), who barge in and out of the storyline, injecting inappropriate inanity whenever there's a lull in the storyline.
BARELY LEGAL will fill the bill for Late Night Cable Programming, and any politically-correct Bachelor Party, where the action is naughty, but not gross.
On my personal rating scale of with 5 being drop everything and see the movie now; if you're female, bear the producers' children and 0 being burn down the theater, murder the movie staff, and violate their dog, this movie rates a "4," using my patented Bell Curve for B-Movies. BARELY LEGAL is solid entertainment for those who like acceptably gorgeous babes, tasteful nudity, and marginally Hard-R situations. It a movie to buy, but to keep it in your "private collection."
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