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7 reviews

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Movie Details

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Directed By
Roland Emmerich

Written By:
Roland Emmerich, Harald Kloser

John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Woody Harrelson, Thandie Newton, Danny Glover, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Oliver Platt, Morgan Lily, George Segal, John Billingsley, Thomas McCarthy, Patrick Bauchau, Jimi Mistry, Liam James, Johann Urb, Beatrice Rosen, Agam Darshi, Patrick Gilmore, Chin Han, Alexandra Castillo, Eve Harlow, Anna Mae Routledge, David Richmond-Peck, Marco Khan, Blu Mankuma, Alex Zahara, Lisa Lu, Henry O, Chang Tseng, Ryan McDonald, Ron Selmour, Zlatko Buric, Geoff Gustafson, Brandon Haas, Parm Soor, Sean Tyson, Rick Tae, Eddie L. Fauria, Ayana Haviv, Scott E. Miller, Anthony Bonaventura, Ryan Cook, Lea Deesing, Ric Govea, Karin Konoval, Jonathan Lane, Tom MacNeill, Jill Morrison, Andrew Moxham, Jessica Provencher, Larry Purtell, Dean Redman, Charlie Robson, Richard Schimmelpfenneg, Eric Shackelford, Robyn Jean Springer, Craig Stanghetta, Ian Thompson, Jody Thompson, Frank C. Turner, Jacob Blair, Raj Lal, Peter Arpesella, Eddie Hassell, Joshua Salvati, Michael Karl Richards, Tj Austin, Joshua Salvati, Osric Chau, Alexandre Haussmann, Jerome Young, Gordon Lai, Philippe Haussmann, Luis Javier, Abigail Delves, Sahar Biniaz, Norman Deesing, Jason Diablo, Mary Gillis, Jacob Goodall, Daren A. Herbert, Erik Kowalski, James O'Neill, Patricia Shih, Dale Tarrant, Kinua McWatt, Yuel Yawney

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2012 (2009)
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Movie Review by Mike Thomas
December 4th, 2010

Disaster Porn

In FAMILY GUY PRESENTS: SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING DARK SIDE, Leia (Lois Griffin), screams to Han (Peter) that they are going to die in the asteroid field. Peter snaps back, “Relax, we got to two of the four main characters on this ship!”

Such is the suspense level of this movie.

Giant solar flares, massive earthquakes, tsunamis; we get the whole array of whiz-bang special effects that distills itself down to one single story plot;

Stuff gets trashed. Side Note: It seems that movies have designated Los Angeles as the Tokyo of the United States. If it's going to be destroyed, it's happens in L.A. first!

In light of yet another panning of this movie, I'd like to make a few observations:

- In movies like these, the safest persons to be are the hero (John Cusack) and the comic relief (Thomas McCarthy). Everyone else is Fair Game.
- This is one of the few end-of-the-world (EOW) movies where the government is evil
- And why is it that EOW movies always get stuck with African American presidents? Morgan Freeman gets DEEP IMPACT, Tiny Lister's on board with The FIFTH ELEMENT; this one gets Danny Glover. No wonder people were afraid to vote for Obama!

Anywho, we're presented with a self-serving government, who has already in place an End-of -the-World Survival Scenario, where most of us aren't part of the plan. The Conspiracy Theorists are proven to have been right all along!

As for the entertainment value, there was nothing remarkable about this movie. In fact, it's taken me nearly two months to think of something to say about it. We've got the usual predictors, the usual nay-sayers, the usual unlikely heroes, the usual death-defying escapes, the usual vignettes of "Human Courage in the Face of Adversity," and the usual "Well, we pulled out collective fats out of the fire again," which brings me to my perennial gripe about EOW scenarios. If the Earth were to actually collapse on itself (THE CORE), if the Earth was going to have another Ice Age (The DAY AFTER TOMORROW), if a meteor were on a head-on collision with the Earth (ARMAGEDDON, DEEP IMPACT, METEOR), and if it were truly the end of the world, there would be nothing in our power that could stop it. As the old saying goes, "You can't fight Mother Nature." We, as technologically advanced as we are, do not have the firepower to go up against God. And it is that arrogance that makes movies like these abhorrent to me. Granted, we've gotten through our share of disasters (Katrina, Indonesia, POOTIE TANG), but when it's time to go, it's time to go.

On my new rating scale of with 5 being drop everything and see the movie now; if you're female, bear the producers' children and 0 being burn down the theater, murder the movie staff, and violate their dog, this movie rates a disastrous "0.5." I liken this movie to a porn flick, only because like a porn movie, or a poorly-dubbed Martial Arts movie, the only thing that you came to see was the carnage. It seems the producers were aware of that factoid also and focused on just that.

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Dec 4, 2010 12:10 PM
Being the ignorant cuss that I am, can you please explain to me what those strange symbols are in your movie review? - Like the ones at the beginning and ending of the sentence "You can't fight Mother Nature".

Is this supposed to be some sort of new-age profanity, or something? Is it the same thing as this - "*#@&!?*%"

I mean, I just ain't hip to these symbols, man. WTF do they mean?
Mike Thomas
Dec 4, 2010 1:23 PM
I don't see them in all my reviews, but they are symbols Matchflick can't understand. Since it's hard to compose anything on the site itself, a lot of people who write for the website compose their reviews/columns in a word processor, then cut-and-paste them into Matchflick.

Sometimes, it can't read quotation mark symbols, or apostrophes, or some other non-alphanumeric character, so it translates it as best as it could, which usually ends up as garbage.

When I see them in whatever I write, I try to correct it by re-typing the offending symbols in Matchflick, and that always works. However, I think this occurrence is computer-specific, since I don't see them in the review above, nor do I see them all the time, since I use various computers.

If you see them again in my reviews (the columns are unfortunately carved in stone once they're posted), let me know, and I can go back in and re-type them.
Dec 4, 2010 2:13 PM
So, first there were (and still are) problems with posting review comments and now this symbol mystery. Could this also be viewed as a malicious attempt at some minor site sabotage?

This is the first time that I've seen these symbols in any of your reviews, but I have seen them in others.

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