|MatchFlick Member Reviews|
view all movie information
Paul Wernick, Rhett Reese
Emma Stone, Amber Heard, Bill Murray, Abigail Breslin, Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Chris Burns, Anthony J. Davis, Travis Grant, Martin Klebba, Lynn McArthur, Jade Moser, Clay Walker, Steve Warren, Sonya Thompson, Daniel Burnley, April Rich, Chick Bernhardt, Michelle Sebek, Rosie Bernhard, Elle Alexander, Dalton Cole, Ming Liu, Steve Prouty, Tammy Luthi Retzlaff, Michelle Sebek, Travis Young, Victory Van Tuyl
email this review to a friend
|Movie Review by BillyBob |
April 11th, 2013
You Might As Well Watch Someone Taking A Crap
Favorite Movie Quote: "*Note* - This is my own quote not a movie quote - "WARNING!! If you like zombie movies, then don't read my review!"
Here's a horror movie that's so frickin' dumb that, instead of fleeing from the zombies, its characters deliberately drive towards the biggest congregation of them all, just for the sake of playing on amusement park rides.
Sheesh! Like, is that absolute stupidity, or what!??
From my pespective, the writers of Zombieland must have run out of fresh ideas roughly 7 minutes into the story. That's the only thing that explains the sheer rubbish that was handed to me, as a viewer, for this film's remaining 80 minutes.
Via idiot voice-over narration, we are introduced to our very first one-dimensional, Hollywood, cardboard, cut-out character - Columbus whose "8 Rules of Survival" (a nice device) were not exactly worth remembering nor were they worth laughing about, either.
Then along comes our one-dimensional, cardboard character #2 - Tallahassee (that's Woody Harrelson reprising his Mickey Knox role from Natural Born Killers), a wall-eyed, "Twinkie" lovin', redneck who can barely conceal the fact that he's really just a wimp with a heart of mush. (When it came to this character's Twinkie addiction - I can't begin to tell you how much I wished that someone would've tied him down and shoved a whole case of those frickin' Twinkies right up his stinky baaadasss)
Then comes our completely none-dimensional character in the super sleazy, sluttish form of Witchita, an overly made-up, dick-teaser tramp with no logical motivation, whatsoever.
With a boastful title like "Zombieland" this film should have been, literally, overloaded to the max, with vast swarms of blood-lusting, flesh-devouring zombies, everywhere. But, alas, until our contemptuous, little team of one-dimensional characters finally made it to L.A., I counted, perhaps, 6 zombies gunned down in all. (Wow! Talk about pathetic!)
This film lapsed far too often into a mode of sheer boringness due to a noticable lack of much-needed zombie action. It seemed to me that a lot of the trouble here was the fact that the dizzy director just couldn't seem to decide whether he wanted slow-moving, dumb zombies or fast-moving, mean and cunning ones.
As this film's final insult, asswipe actor, Bill Murray was introduced, as himself, into the story. Along with ample, cringe-worthy toadying that was enough to make any thinking person become sick to their stomach, Murray, looking like death warmed over, was presented in the story as if he were another piece of product placement, or something. In otherwords, his presence was completely resented by myself.
And finally -
All of the so-called "comedy" in Zombieland felt like it was really, really forced. This flick was pure "bargain-bin" horror from a filmmaker who obviously knew nothing about worthwhile storytelling. It was the sort of zombie picture that made the likes of Night of the Living Dead look as if it were a wonderous, glowing masterpiece by comparison.
email this review to a friend
Comment on this Review:
|Sorry, you must be a member to add comments to reviews.|
Join or Login.
Apr 11, 2013 5:53 PM
|Vicious review. No ass-kissing on your part, I tell you whut!|
Bad news, though - although there is no real talks about a ZOMBIELAND 2, a scripted series is underway, cast with unknowns, and supposedly slated for this Fall.
No word if Bill Murray will be making a cameo....
Subscribe to MatchFlick Movie Reviews through RSS