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The Scorpion King 2: Rise of a Warrior (2008)
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Movie Review by Mike 
March 18th, 2009
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Did They Spend ANY Money on This Movie?
WARNING: May contain spoilers, but the plotline is SO paper-thin, the spoilers should be of no surprise to anyone.
I love bad movies. I get a sadist, elitist glee out of watching actors chewing way out of place dialogue, really bad special effects, and predicting endings right after the opening credits. "The Scorpion King 2: Rise of a Warrior" fits this description perfectly.
Our title warrior, Mathayus, is introduced as a child of the great warrior Ashur (Peter Butler), who is horribly murdered in the beginning of the movie. Right then and there is the plot of the movie and the obvious climatic battle between the still-young teenaged Mathayus (Michael Copon) and the ruthless king responsible for his father's murder, Sargon (Randy Couture, of Ultimate Fighting fame). You could go home now, continue with your lobotomy and finish the flick.
Young Mathayus is forced to join the prestigious and much feared Black Scorpion Guard, a kind of Navy Seal-like special force, and personal warriors for the king. Out of all the warriors trained for this duty, Mathayus is hand-chosen by the King as his personal bodyguard (bet you didn't see THAT one coming, did'ja?) After a failed assasination attempt (seems the old boy's been dabbling in the Dark Arts (Black Magic is SO non-PC these days) and cannot be killed by conventional means).
So it's off to Egypt to fetch the Sword of Damocles, mythical sword that can cut through anything. Along the way, Mathayus picks up his childhood sweetheart, Layla (Karen Shenaz David), a skilled warrior in her own right, but was not allowed to join the army 'cause she's only a gurl (who was casted because she was buff, tanned and hot), and Ari (Simon Quarterman) a poet, and comic relief, whose knowledge of the world keeps the story moving. The two, Mathayus and Layla seem to take the whole life-endangering adventure in the mood of the teen comedies of the 80's, where like most 17-year-olds, they show no fear and the dangers "aren't dangerous to me!"
The trio arrive in Egypt, facing the obligatory perils, including facing a minotaur, crossing into the forest of the Underworldand, and battling Astarte (Natalie Becker), a goddess who possesses the sword. The rest of the movie plays out in mind-numbing predictatbility, and everybody goes home happy.
What makes this movie notable is how little money they spent on production, specifically special effects. All of the battles were fought either in that slightly sped-up effect made famous in the Sean Connery James Bond films or slowed down to make the fight more dramatic. The battles with the mythical creatures were..... not there! In one particular battle, the creature was invisible. INVISIBLE! So all you saw were the chunks of stone being smashed out of walls and crushed floor where the creature walked. As for casting, if the most notable "name" was a star in a Spike TV fighting tournament, what did they spend on the film? C'mon guys! If they spent some money on making the production value better, it could have been only a really bad film instead of the thrift store travesty it is.
The other note of interest was a thinly-veiled allusion to the political atmosphere in America now. It's very subtle, and maybe a bit Conspiracy Theory, but if you can see the signs, you may end up shouting at the screen during the epilogue of the movie.
"The Scorpion King 2" is an exercise on how cheap a movie can seem, or how little care is given to a direct-to-DVD project run off the sequel mill.
Rent it and watch it while drinking heavily.
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 | BillyBob
Mar 18, 2009 7:43 PM
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| You know - You've actually made this movie sound so bad, that I think I want to see it. But first I better get on my lobotomy, right? |
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