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My Apologies, Fellow Compatriots I don't know. I kinda had a feeling it was gonna suck ever since I first heard of its making... and as a Colombian-American, I have to root for the ol' Marquez, but in all honesty, I've never been a true fan. I've never read this book, I got about fifty years into the Solitude before getting entirely too lonely, and oh, I've given him other chances. A couple of other novels (Autumn of the big-balled Patriot?) and short stories (the image of a man running around town carrying his guts comes to mind), and yeah, the guy may be brilliant, but I guess I just don't have the brains to get him. But that's beside the point. Taking this movie at face-value, without any historical, literary, or cultural background knowledge, I have to say that it absolutely sucked. Need specifics? Okay, the casting, for starters. Javier Bardem is pretty brilliant and makes a fantastic creep, but I don't think that was quite the type of character that Marquez had in mind. And as for the leading lady, I cannot figure out for the life of me why they didn't put Catalina Sandino Moreno in that role! Hello, she's a heck of a better actor than that pale-lipped Mezzogiorno chick and would have had a much better chance of being taken seriously. Her counterpart, Unax Ugalde, who played the young Florentino, was nothing less than pathetic. And John Leguizamo as the father? Please!! Who came up with that idea? I love him as a comedian, but Shid the Shloth with a Brooklyn akshent just shimply did not blend into the noble Colombian countryshide. Nope, none of the characters really stood out in a good way. As my husband (who only watched this as a favor to me) said, you just didn't feel a connection to any of them. You didn't care! phew! Okay, aside from the casting and acting, however, the idea of waiting fifty-plus years for someone you never even met--someone you had no connection with at all, ever, is just ridiculous. It might've worked for a novel (because, really, pretty much anything will work in a novel if the writing is brilliant enough) but for a movie, especially one that's aimed us action-lovin' red-blooded Americans, it pretty much just falls flat. We needed a punchline, a mystery, a plot for goodness' sake! Nevertheless, as much as I did not enjoy this film, I do have to say that it was excellent in terms of scenery, costumes, and music. I absolutely loved the use of color throughout the entire movie. And the landscape was breathtaking. I'm glad they threw that in--it was a welcomed relief from the terrible acting and the unbelievably hideous make-up jobs. Bottom Line: Two hours, eighteen minutes, and thirty-seven seconds of pretty-colored crap. email this review to a friend
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