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18 reviews

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Movie Details

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Directed By
Rob Zombie

Written By:
Rob Zombie

Malcolm McDowell, Brad Dourif, Sheri Moon Zombie, Scout Taylor-Compton, Danielle Harris, Tyler Mane, William Forsythe, Udo Kier, Tom Towles, Danny Trejo, Clint Howard, Lew Temple, Ken Foree, Daniel Roebuck, Hanna Hall, Dee Wallace Stone, Pat Skipper, Adrienne Barbeau, Richmond Arquette, Ezra Buzzington, Courtney Gains, Leslie Easterbrook, Bill Moseley, Daryl Sabara, Sybil Danning, Richard Lynch, Mel Fair, Max Van Ville, Richard Fancy, Skyler Gisondo, Kristina Klebe, Daeg Faerch, Nikki Taylor Melton, Micky Dolenz, Jenny Gregg Stewart, Adam Weisman

Halloween (2007)
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Movie Review by BillyBob
April 14th, 2014

Mikey, Murder & Mask-Making Therapy.... BORING!

Favorite Movie Quote: "Are you saying that Michael did this?" (This quote was spoken by Michael's mommy upon her arrival back home to a butchered family after she had earlier been sucking the dick of a strip-club customer)"

Hey, Rob Zombie, you big, stinking, self-loving, narrow-visioned phony, there's more to horror than just gore, you know! Yeah! So, get with it, you F.N. A-List A-Hole!

Like, who the hell did Rob Zombie think he was with his sniveling, brain-dead attempt to enlighten the viewer on understanding the workings of a seriously deranged mind?

Ha! As though Zombie cared!

But, hey, according to Zombie (being the supreme authority on such things as a fragile psychosis), it directly stems from being raised in a totally hateful, bullying, cussing, white-trash household where mommy-dearest may be a cheap, slutty ho, but she will always love her precious, little sonny-boy to her last, dying day.

You know, I think that it's really, really peculiar, indeed, that Zombie clearly makes direct ties between the act of sex and the act of one committing the most brutal, savage, cold-blooded murders imaginable.

It's true. I actually lost count of how many times a young, horny couple had promptly been given the full "Michael Myers" treatment within mere minutes following a good, old-fashioned fukk.

I mean, talk about real "screwy". (Ha! Get the pun?)

And, speaking about the tie between sex and violence, I thought that it was just like Zombie to have the security guards at the mental institution being the type of low-life scum who love to brutally rape the female patients.

About the only thing that I can applaud Zombie for in this movie is that he saw to it that Michael Myers murdered Danny Trejo's character. (Hooray, for that!)

All-in-all - This frickin' Halloween remake was F.N. trash that took the meaning of the word "awful" to a whole new level of awfulness. As far as being a director/screenwriter of horror, I consider Rob Zombie to be nothing but a fart in the wind.

And, finally -

When it came to the category of "Most Annoying, Over-Used Line Ever Spoken In A Horror Movie", Halloween's "No! Please! No!" line certainly got my vote for a well-deserved Oscar, without question. This line was used so much in this picture that it totally desensitized me to the Myers' victims who were screaming it. And, because of that, I couldn't care less about what was happening to them. It just grated on my nerves, like you wouldn't believe.

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Mike Thomas
Apr 15, 2014 1:09 AM
Nothing like a rousing, scathing review on my favorite wannabe. I thought you had lost your touch!

Not only did you give a review worthy of this piece of celluloid, but you gave me an idea for a new Flicker Nomination: Most Hackneyed Line in a Film.

You always deliver!
Apr 23, 2014 12:37 AM
You say that you thought I had lost my touch??.... Hey! What, may I ask, do you mean by that?..... Are you saying the my previous reviews haven't been up to par? Well! Thanks a lot!...... I thought I was really laying it on pretty damn good there with my Three Stooges review and Salo and The Conjuring, etc., etc., etc.!!

Well, thanks for your feedback. I'll try to get more vicious with my up-coming reviews. OK!?

Apr 16, 2014 5:37 PM
... and the sequel was even worse!
Apr 23, 2014 12:40 AM
You say that the sequel was worse than this crap? Boy, that's hard to imagine it could be worse, but I believe you, man.

Dash Riprock
Apr 20, 2014 12:29 AM
It's about time someone kicked this movie in the ass. I'm glad it was you who did the kicking!
Apr 23, 2014 12:43 AM
Thanks. I could've kicked this crap-movie even harder if I had wanted to, but I'm glad to hear that you still appreciated the overall effort that I made.

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