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I KNOW IT'S A BOMB The screening I attended was on a Thursday evening and the film opened the following day, Friday. Does that tell us something? Yes. It tells us that those in the know who schedule such things were not about to allow critics to sharpen their hatchets and begin chopping it up before the all-important opening weekend. This is where the big money is made and they knew the crucifixion now happening on websites everywhere would squash any chance of getting any of their money back. For the unfortunate "Star", Miss Lindsay Lohan, this movie and the timing of its release is a nail in the coffin of her fading career. As if she's not in enough deep doo-doo with the law, the court of public opinion, gossip columns, the tabloids and the rest of planet Earth, "I Know Who Killed Me" is a major flop from which it may be hard to recover. According to those who know such things it is being said that Lohan faces up to six years imprisonment when she faces a Judge in late August for her two arrests resulting in DUI's and the possession of a small amount of Cocaine. In one sense this could be a good thing in that it would afford LL a place to hang out where the tabloids can't reach her. A place not of her own choosing of course, but nonetheless a place as far from the everyday world as can be imagined. And, after six years in prison she could make one hell of a comeback! It's not that Lohan is not talented. She has some merit as an actor and there are flashes of it in this movie, but she's not quite there yet. Comparing her acting to the public image she has fashioned for herself of late, one cannot help but conclude that the fowl-mouthed, sluttish character she embodies in this atrocity posing as a movie is one in the same as the wanton, sluttish person she is perceived to be in everyday life. And to think she's a newbie twenty-one-year old! Somewhere there must be an award for those who manage to garner such immense personal and professional self-destruction at such an early age. To opine that "I Know Who Killed Me" is the worst possible movie to come out at the worst possible time for Lindsay Lohan is an understatement of enormous proportion. The stench of this is going to take a long time to dissipate. What bothered me most was that Lohan's perfectly fine natural beauty has been revamped into a look reminiscent of a young Elizabeth Taylor at the same age. Her hair is raven black like Elizabeth's and many camera angles and close-ups have been recreated to capture the lush, awesome bone structure and appeal of Miss Taylor, but it doesn't work for Lohan. While imitation is said to be the truest form of flattery, in Hollywood it's considered professional suicide. Additionally, the subject matter alone is off-putting. Kidnapping young girls, torturing them with endless precision and keeping them awake to ensure they feel every iota of pain inflicted shown in gruesome detail on-screen is not most people's cup of entertainment tea. Throw into the mix that Lohan's character is a looser, a tramp, and a gutter-snipe who prostitutes herself and makes her living as a pole dancing stripper in a sleazy 'gentlemen's club' and you have a character who is very hard to care for. While some may argue that Elizabeth Taylor won an Oscar for her portrayal of a call girl in Butterfield 8, Miss Taylor did it with class and haughty dignity whereas Miss Lohan's characterization of a pole dancing stripper stops just short of repugnant. For this I lay blame not on Miss Lohan, but on those who chose to make this worthless and incredulous lame excuse for a story into a film. "I Know Who Killed Me" might just as well be renamed "I Know What Killed My Career". The use of heavy black eyeliner and makeup applied with a trowel don't hide the blundering hands of the inept makeup person unable to glue the sides of Lohan's eyelashes on. It was difficult if not impossible to keep from staring at those obvious chucks of fake eyelash that make Lohan look more like a child who played in her mother's paint pots than the wanton heathen her character is supposed to be. email this review to a friend
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Aug 12, 2007 5:57 PM