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Directed By
Caleb Emerson
Written By:
Caleb Emerson, Haig Demarjian
Cast:
Lloyd Kaufman, Scott Patterson, Matt Johnson, Geoff Mosher, Jamie Gillis, Hasil Adkins, Jennifer K. Beal, Sadie Blades, Joseph James, Sandra Kennedy, Doug Williams, Scott Horseley, Jesse Myers
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Die You Zombie Bastards! (2005)
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I think that the title of this film alone should inform you of all you need to know. It is equal parts Jorg Buttgereit, Ed Wood, Benny Hill, and Wesley Willis. It is completely insane, getting ever more improbable and "wicked stupid" as it progresses.
This movie takes place in a universe created in The Red's Breakfast Experience and Red's Breakfast 2: Dawn of the Red, and features superhero/serial killer/cannibal/loving husband Red Toole, and his equally sicko wife, the lovely Violet Lee Lucas. They're enjoying a perfectly "cute" picnic, feasting on a severed human head, when Violet is rudely kidnapped by the Baron Don f*ckalov Mummyface Von Nefarious, who appears to be some combination Zombie/Alien thing. All that's left is a puff of blue smoke. Blue smoke? Yes, blue smoke.
Red must now don his costume, consisting of yellow rain-boots, skin undies with a severed penis, and a cape made out of human flesh, and save his love. After a quick side-trip to Super Inga's tavern in an all female Swedish town, some divine intervention from Angel/Alien Stavros (porn and sometimes serious actor Jamie Gillis), and the reconnection with his absent, alcoholic father, Red is off to infiltrate Nefarious's secret hide-out.
Oh yeah, there are also the first victims of Nefarious's Zombotron, the Maldonato sisters, who were on Hell Island investigating the Amphibious Guy. He (Nefarious) snatches them, turns them into green, undead creatures, and has them whack his enormous penis with hammers.
Actually, the film is not as gory as one would expect, and what gore there is is fabulously low-tech. There are, however, robots, ninjas, disobedient dog-men, copious naked females, and penises everywhere. Not actual penises, mind you, but every costume, from Red to Nefarious to The Amphibious Guy, has a rubber dick. I don't even want to tell you how Red gains entrance to Nerfarious's lab.
Finally, there is the presence of the recently deceased godfather of Psychobilly, Hasil Adkins. He has the distinction of rising above all the mayhem, and somehow being the craziest person in the whole film.
So, yeah, see this immediately. The days of having to hunt this sh*t down are over. You can get it from Netflix. So you have no excuse. It's a nice break from reality. Just let the silliness and frenetic pace of the editing wash over you and make you forget your troubles for a little while. What more can you ask from a film? Thinking is overrated.
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 | Lisa
May 29, 2007 8:54 AM
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| I gotta see it, just because it has a f*ckin' kick ass title. |
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May 28, 2007 5:44 PM
Sep 28, 2007 2:35 AM
Sep 28, 2007 7:29 AM