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All Movie Info
Starring:
Deon Richmond, Mercedes McNab, Kane Hodder, Parry Shen, Joel Murray, Richard Riehle, Patrika Darbo, Robert Englund, Joshua Leonard, Tony Todd, John Carl Buechler, Tamara Feldman, Joel Moore, Joleigh Fioreavanti, Rileah Vanderbilt, Rileah Vanderbilt
Directed By:
Adam Green
Written By:
Adam Green
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Hatchet (2007)
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You are syphilis Miss big words.
There are movies that are bad, and there are movies that are so bad you love watching them for how terrible they are. This movie is the latter. It has bad acting, an unoriginal story and so many gallons of obviously fake blood you might have thought you stumbled into the raspberry syrup factory at Smuckers. This is billed as being "a throwback to the glory days of horror that literally saws the face off the 'slasher film' as you know it." It is in the crappy "slasher film" respect.
Ben and his buddy Marcus were down in Louisiana celebrating Mardi gras. Ben heard about a night boat tour about an old urban legend. The legend was that a disfigured man named Victor Crowley was accidentally murder by a hatchet to the face by his father who was trying to help get him out of their burning house. The legend also stated that he still haunts the swamps. When Marcus and Ben take the tour find more than they were in store for and now must try to avoid the business end of "The Hatchet."
Now of course this was bad, but it is to be expected from what is clearly a chewed up and regurgitated story. Some poor slob was disfigured and/or killed and now seeks revenge. The problem here is none of the people tour anything to do with his unfortunate circumstance so at that point the antagonist is just a jerk. Not only that but he is extremely stupid. I know if I am trying to sneak up and kill somebody I am not going to wait until I am right next to them and shout "blaaaaaaaahhhhhh" before trying to off them. I am just going to kill them.
So many clichés in this movie I thought I was watching 8 or 9 different horror movies edited together to make a new one. I will say that there were enough bare breast scenes in this movie to at least make the guys happy. It also helped distract from the poor acting.
Joel Moore (WEINERS) as Ben was awkward and unbelievable as a hero (not that there were any heroic acts in this flic.) Tamara Feldman (A WOMAN CALLED JOB) as Marybeth seemed to have a split personality complex. One moment she was strong and brave and the next she was scared and crying. It was annoying. Deon Richmond (BICKFORD SHMECKLER'S COOL IDEAS) as Marcus was type cast in a sadly stereotypical role. It made me laugh in both humor and pity. Joel Murray as Shapiro, Richard Riehle as Mr. Permatteo, Robert Englund as Sampson and Tony Todd as Clive Washington / Reverend Zombie were the bigger names in this movie which I suppose gave it a tiny bit of acting credibility, but not enough to save it.
This was the kind of movie I would just end up making fun of the whole time, which I kind of did. That is why it was fun to watch. If you want a serious horror movie, this just isn't the movie for the job.
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 | B Movie Ben
Jan 3, 2008 11:36 AM
also wrote a review of Hatchet 
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| Lots of bare breast scenes? Sounds like a winner. :-) This got massive pre-release publicity on the internet, but they couldn't get it into any theaters here in Florida. |
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Jan 3, 2008 2:19 PM