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Underworld: Evolution (2006)
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Movie Review by Alex
January 27th, 2006
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So this movie was pretty much what I expected.........WITH WINGS!!! Yet another movie about a gun toting kung fu assassin type vampyre chick in skin tight leather with her 'hybrid' vampy-lichon boyfriend trying to save all humanity from the only vampire in the universe with wings and a bat face. I really want to know why that one vampire had wings.....I want wings.
Anyway, this movie was full of plot holes that they try to keep you from noticing by blinding you with booty. Unfortunately, there isn't a body on the planet that could keep you from noticing you are falling into this atomic crater.
Apparently, being a werewolf doesn't stop you from being killed by a lead pole or a broken neck, being a vampire doesn't stop you from being killed by lead bullets or a broken neck, and being really old will stop you from being killed by anything, including sunlight, lead poles, lead bullets, and maybe even broken necks! Being old also means you can drink someone's blood and absorb all their memories flawlessly (even the ones they can't remember)...a little perk they managed to leave out of the first film when they implied that an unskilled vamp could only give scattered images instead of memories.
The action wasn't bad, the effects were high budget (which has less and less effect on me every time i see some movie in which they spent 98% of their budget on costumes and CG), and I have a soft spot for vampire flicks so it managed to hold me and keep me entertained. They never really said why it was called 'Evolution' though. Nothing really evolved at all and I'm not sure but I think my girlfriend actually devolved into a drooling puddle of complex proteins. If you choose to see this movie, bring copious ammounts of substance to abuse or be prepared to watch your significant other turn into something primordial right before your very eyes!
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