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Blade: Trinity (2004)
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Movie Review by Thom
October 11th, 2007
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Trinity Means Three
So, like, I like the Blade character (Wesley Snipes). Forgetting the logistics of him being half vampire - which in the movie's fictional reality you wonder why it doesn't make him weaker as vamps are such pussies - he's essentially the Punisher in a more supernatural environment (or at least what the Punisher should be). His whole shtick is pretty slick and he looks like a bona fide bad ass.
But could there be lazier writing? And, on a side note, I know that this is the third Blade movie, but did they call it "Trinity" for any reason other than they thought it sounded cool? What was there three of in the movie?
Blade starts off with vampires - in essentially spacesuits - in the desert looking for Dracula. Why? I don't know. They never really get into that. Why was Dracula sleeping in the middle of nowhere? I don't know. They never really get into that. Dracula wakes up not in the best of moods, but the vamps bring him back to whatever city they are in, conveniently the same city as Blade.
We then join Blade as he is killing many vampires. He chases several away from the scene of mayhem and puts the hurt on them. He shoots a vamp through the chest with silver but the vamp just dies. As it turns out this fool was human and deliberately was willing to die so that Blade will be on the hook for killing a human on camera. Uh huh. What was the human's motivation for letting himself get killed by Blade? I don't know. They never really get into that.
So now, all of the sudden, the FBI gets a bug up their ass to incarcerate Blade, who they see as a deranged psychopathic vigilante that kills innocent people that he perceives as vampires and other innocent human being that serve them. That these two FBI agents are ignorant of the existence of vampires in Blade's universe is simply not believable. However, despite the fact that don't believe any of this vampire mumbo-jumbo, they do seem inspired to fit him with some super sci-fi restraints, just in case.
During Blade's capture (which is also not believable), he turns his super-human abilities against the police very likely killing or wounding many. Likewise his buddy Whistler (Kris Kristofferson) shoots - killing or wounding - some with a shotgun. This is the problem with movies about sci-fi and fantasy subjects that b*tch about not being taken seriously. How can I take a movie seriously when the hero is making no effort to avoid killing innocent police officers? Or are we to believe that because their faces are covered they must all be corrupt servants of the vampires?
So assuming that we are attacking this with a "we're fighting a war here" mentality, Blade behaves inconsistently when he discovers a blood-farm (think Matrix only harvesting blood instead of energy). He kills the police chief that knows about the farm by shooting him the back - fine, he's a piece of sh*t - but he does nothing to the female technician working at the farm itself. Either you're a remorseless killer assassinating vampires and those working with/for them or you are not. The whole thing just smacks of stupid writing.
Next on the stupometer is that the vamps have Blade incarcerated and they screw around like some lame-ass James Bond villain. This is the bane of all that is Vampire, killing hundreds if not thousands of vampires like some vampire terminator; apparently the only reason they woke up Dracula was because they thought maybe he was tough enough to kill Blade yet they could have just done it themselves but for their shenanigans.
Dracula (Dominic Purcell), by the way, is in Blade: Trinity. He's not in it much. He kills some random people for no apparent reason to show you that he's evil, kills all of Blade's new 'Nightstalkers' including the one that designed the Big Bad Weapon that the vamps fear - and then they torture Hannibal King (Ryan Reynolds) for "what does the weapon do?" Ye gods, are all vampires retarded?
Ah, yes, then there is Abigail Whistler (Jessica Biel, even though Whistler's whole family was established to be dead, the movie brings in Abby with a throw-away line "from outside wedlock"). Biel's character, by all accounts, is totally human albeit with some gadgets, yet she kicks the crap out any vampire that she fights. Likewise Reynolds character, human though once vampire, also holds his own physically with vampires. Ye gods, are all vampires pussies? Who needs Blade? A team of U.S. Special Forces would make minced meat of vamps from this world.
As for Dracula, he'd not really in the movie much, though he makes a big deal out of Blade fighting with honor even as it has not been established that Drake himself has any honor, so, um, okee.
The action sequences are mildly entertaining, and Ryan Reynolds is easily the best thing about the movie if perhaps a little out of place.
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