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2 WRONG TURNS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT PLEASE NOTE : My review of WRONG TURN is divided into 2 parts. Part 1 is for the younger, more squeamish reading audience. Part 2 is for the hard-core horror lovers. (Reader discretion is strongly advised) __________ PART 1__________ A Nursery Cryme....... GOLDILOCKS and the 3 INBRED BEARS..... Once upon a time, on a fine, sunny day, pretty-little Goldilocks was skipping-skipping-skipping (tra-la-la) through the deep, dark woods of West Virginia. Goldilocks was going to Grandma's house with her basket of goodies. Yummy-Yummy. You see, Goldilocks and Grandma were going to have a swell picnic down by the babbling brook behind Grandma's place. Oooh, what fun it would be. Heck, there might even be a poker game between the two, if the stakes weren't too high for good, old Granny. Suddenly, Goldilocks ceased with her infuriating skipping and, in her girlish surprise, gasped "Oh!". There before her bright-blue eyes sat a sinister-looking cabin, that she'd never seen before. It was nestled so ominously in a clearing beside (can you believe it?), a used-car lot. "What the hell is this!?" thought the darling-little Goldilocks. She stood and stared in wonder at the tacky neon sign that flashed and sputtered, over and over again - '3 Bears Used-Car Lot. C'mon In and Make Us a Deal.' "Hmm..I could use one of them there used-cars," thought little Goldilocks, who was absolutely dog-tired by now from all the frickin' skipping. So, on this mighty fine day Goldilocks carefully put down her picnic-basket and cautiously stepped forward into the blazing sunlight to get a closer look at that spiffy, blue Dodge Rambler. And that's when the sledgehammer came crashing down upon her pretty-little head. (I guess, No deal on the Dodge Rambler today for little Goldilocks) End of story. End of Goldilocks. Blast it all, anyways! Goldilocks didn't even get a chance to dip into the terrific porridge that was waiting for her inside the cabin of the 3 Inbred Bears. Shame. __________ PART 2 ____________ I found WRONG TURN to be too much of a TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE-CLONE. It was like watching TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE without the Chainsaw. I mean, the 3 Inbred Bears pretty much used every other implement imaginable to hack up their victims, so, why not rev up the old chainsaw, too? There are 3 times when WRONG TURN is at its horrifying best. The first time is the 10 minute 'introduction-to-terror' scene. This mini-horror sequence happens just before the actual opening credits start to roll. It's purpose is to get the audience into the mood of madness and human massacre. And, I'm telling you, it really got my adrenaline churning. The second time that WRONG TURN curdled my blood right up to the point of screaming was during the actual opening credits. At this early stage I was, again, subjected to an onslaught of incredibly disturbing imagery which was continually being flashed before my very terrified eyes. As hideous as some of it was, I found I couldn't look away. The third time that WRONG TURN sent me into a total seizure of epileptic terror was when the 2 young couples, as beautiful as they are, step through the threshold of the cabin door and, soon enough, discover the reality of what they're up against. It was almost unbearable to endure, especially when the 3 Inbred Bears came home with their latest kill and the young beauties had to conceal themselves within the hideous confines of the filthy cabin and witness what was about to happen next. From one perspective, you don't know how thankful I was that the terror of WRONG TURN finally did slack off after this. I don't think my angel-heart could have taken much more. Unfortunately, with the element of horror easing off, and still about half of the movie left to go, WRONG TURN couldn't sustain itself as a focus of my interest. Let's face it, WRONG TURN took a wrong turn. It became a far too predictable game of cat-and-mouse. It was totally annoying, at this early point in the flick, to be able to figure out who was going to survive and who wasn't. Well, what could I expect?........ It's just like the saying goes - "One wrong turn always deserves another." email this review to a friend
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