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All Movie Info
Starring:
Sid Haig, Bill Moseley, Karen Black, Erin Daniels, Jennifer Jostyn, Tom Towles, Dennis Fimple, Harrison Young, Sheri Moon, Robert Allen Mukes, Walt Goggins, Rainn Wilson, Chris Hardwick, William Bassett, Matthew McGrory, Sheri Moon, Walt Goggins, Robert Allen Mukes
Directed By:
Rob Zombie
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House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
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Son, look around, would I be surprised?
I was a big fan of roadside tourist attractions/traps until I saw this movie. The Ripley's Believe it or Not Wax Museum, the Mystery Spot in California and any other such oddity seemed so cool to be, but now I think I will just avoid any place like that. This movie officially goes to the top of the list for most hated movies. The box says it is 88 minutes long, but it is the longest 88 minutes of my life and that includes waiting for the anesthetics to kick in while writhing in pain from having my wisdom teeth pulled (and this more much more painful.) This movie just drags on for entirely too long and the antagonists aren't even really that scary. They just come off as whiny little brats that didn't get enough attention from mommy and daddy growing so they now must commit terrible acts of murder and torture to feel loved or some other crap like that.
It was October 30th 1977 (I was 1 year old at the time) when Bill, his girlfriend Mary, Jerry, and his girlfriend Denise were driving across country, visiting roadside attractions when they ran out of gas. They stopped to get gas at Captain Spaulding's Museum of Monsters and Madmen, a gas station and were treated to a side show ride by Captain Spaulding himself which featured the chronicles of a notorious murderer Dr. Satan. Spaulding told the four, begrudgingly so, about the very tree Dr. Satan was hung at and gave them directions to it. Along the way they picked up a hitchhiker who went by the name Baby Firefly who told the group her house is right near the tree. On their way there, a man hiding in the bushes shot their tire out and they were forced to go back Firefly's house. Once inside, they all discover that it was no ordinary house, but a "House of a Thousand Corpses."
I guess in 1977 everybody was used to people acting insane and looking grotesquely disfigured because the four travelers didn't seem all that freaked out for quite some time after getting to the house. No, the 8 foot tall burn victim doesn't gross me out at all; it's just the drunk long haired albino guy with bad teeth dipping chips in his face that's making me puke. And for the love of all that does not suck, if you are going to be a pack of blood thirsty freaks that live out in the middle of nowhere luring "normal" people to your house to kill and mutilate please do it in a timely fashion (not so much to put the victims out of their misery, but for the sake of the audience.) This movie should be called "House of A Thousand Winks" because I found myself trying not to pass out from shear boredom.
There were two characters I liked in this movie. The rest were either frantic whiny brats who couldn't pull it together enough to actually try to get out of the danger they were in, or they were loud or obnoxious sadistic killers who would have been better off just shooting their victims in the head to save everybody a whole lot of time. Sid Haig, (NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD 3D) as Captain Spaulding, was one of the only two likeable characters in this movie. It was just his personality that did, plus the guy has a history in movies so you have to respect that (the man his been in more movies than Samuel L Jackson for Frick's sake.) The other character was Rainn Wilson (THE LAST MIMZY) as Bill Hudley. I am a fan of Wilson to start out with so it was interesting to see him in one of his first major film roles. He is the perfect dorky college student/writer looking to cash in on the strange and unusual. There isn't really much else to say other than I found that both parts of Grindhouse combined would still have seemed shorter in length than this and many times more entertaining. I was going to see the sequel Devil's Rejects, but I think I need to recover from this first.
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 | Zombie Boy
Oct 28, 2007 11:31 PM
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Pretty much.
The problem with Rob Zombie is that, unlike Pegg and Wright, he does not pay homage to the films that inspired him: he attempts to re-create them. Which is a boring way to do things. I didn't like this or The Devil's Rejects, and found his Halloween remake basically passable. |
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Oct 28, 2007 8:28 PM