Glitter Review by JR (0.5 Stars)

Glitter Review by JR (0.5 Stars) | MatchFlick

Steal of the Day

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Movie Details

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Directed By
Vondie Curtis-Hall

Written By:
Kate Lanier

Cast:
Mariah Carey, Tia Texada, Da Brat, Ann Magnuson, Terrence Howard, Dorian Harewood, Valarie Pettiford, Max Beesley, Grant Nickalls, Grant Nickalls, Eric Benet, Padma Lakshmi, Isabel Gomes

Glitter (2001)

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Movie Review by JR
January 25th, 2007

Glitter? More Like sh*tter!!!

Imagine, if you will, it is a cold morning and the utter pain that comes from stubbing your toe on the edge of a wardrobe, now multiply that by the pain you get when you smash your shin against the towbar of a 4WD, and put THAT result to the power of have crushed glass in your underwear...

Have you got that pain in your mind?

Now transfer all that pain to your eyes...can you feel it?

If you can, you are experiencing a similar feeling to that that one gets when watching this bastard, deformed, mutant offspring of entertainment known as 'Glitter'.

Mariah stars in the semi biography of herself as Billie, a girl who is sent away by her mother, Lillian (Valarie Pettiford) who is an alcoholic singer in a club, who cannot afford her daughter a decent upbringing. Her daughter is sent to a home where she hooks up with Louise and Roxanne. Years later, in the eighties, Billie and her two friends (played by Da Brat and Tia Texada) are sought out by a music producer Walker (Terrance Howard) who wants them to provide backup for his discovery/ talentless slut Sylk (Padma Lakshmi). Sick of being back up, Billie is eventually scouted out by Dice (Max Beesley) who can see a promising solo career...and a future for both of them...

There are a few warnings I should make about this film. This film is a massive promo piece for Mariah Carey, so if the sound of her voice makes you erupt in spontaneous dysentery, you probably shouldn't watch this film...actually dysentery would be preferable to ever watching this film.

This film tells an awful story, in an awful setting, with awful music and awful fashion.

Normally I would have given at least one whole star for the stars bustline, but I can't even bring myself to do that and tragically, Matchflick won't allow me to give it no stars.

The very definition of crap!!

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	Michelle Jan 28, 2007 4:48 AM
Apparently the best boob-job in Hollywood :D I still want to see this trainwreck just to see how bad it is...I know it's riddled with continuity errors, including the cat who never gets old...

	B Movie Ben Mar 14, 2007 9:12 AM
OK, I watch Gigli just to see Jennifer Lopez, so you know I havd to watch this to see Mariah Carey. I promised never to do it again, but it was an urge I could not resist.

	SHAYNE Feb 1, 2007 11:21 AM
I didn't see this movie. Didn't want to see this movie. Won't see this movie. Looked like absolute crap!

	Gina the Ninja BAMF Feb 11, 2007 9:47 PM
Good choice.

	Gina the Ninja BAMF Feb 11, 2007 9:46 PM
SO fckING TRUE! By far the only movie I have ever completely hated. Why wont anyone shoot Mariah Carey already? The entire time I was actually looking for an ending like Selena's. (Ok, so Selena didn't deserve it, but Glitter does!) Damn it, this movie actually sucked so much that I got really angry at it, which rarely happens. It takes a damn shtty ass movie to make me angry.

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