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Lambada has its heart in the 1950s and the rest of its anatomy in the 1980s. It's a Jerry Bruckheimer production, like Flashdance, in all but name. Kevin, a.k.a. "Blade" (J. Eddie Peck), is a math teacher by day, dancer/G.E.D. instructor by night. Sandy (Melora Hardin) is the kind of student Sting warned about in "Don't Stand So Close to Me." There's his dangly earring and her hair gel. There's her lunkhead boyfriend, who looks like Top Secret!-era Val Kilmer, and Blade's lambada nemesis, Ramon. And, oh yeah, Blade is Latino. Sound familiar? It is. Lambada is cheesy as all get out and doesn't have an...