So, if the Mayans are right (and when have the Mayans ever not been right?), the world will be ending in a couple of weeks. I know a bunch of people are looking forward to the apocalypse, and I sort of am too because I forgot to buy any Christmas presents this year.
Last year when the world was supposed to have ended, I wrote a column about plausible movie-related stuff I wanted to do before that actually happened. If the world doesn't end this year (and I realize that's a big if), here is some less plausible movie stuff I'd like to do at some point before the planet implodes.
Be involved in a high-speed chase in a car/boat/on skis
Swing from a vine/rope/fire hose
Climb through an elevator shaft
Learn about the true meaning of friendship
Crawl through a heating duct
Go on an epic adventure with a lovable band of misfits that involves doing something or seeing something or getting something or putting something back
Fight someone underwater/while falling out of a plane/on the top of a moving vehicle
Discover the power of love (possibly with Huey Lewis' Power of Love playing in the background)
Swim in shark/piranha/giant squid infested waters
Be involved in some sort of genital mishap
Encounter a wise-cracking/foul-mouthed little kid/senior citizen
Provide the comic relief at a tense moment by saying something like "Three down, only six thousand to go" or "That's what I call a hot potato!"
Casually walk away from a huge explosion that I was responsible for
Be in a dangerous situation with a team where we'll all have to be silent but where I'll do that thing where you point to your eyes with your fingers and then point them back at someone else and then gesture to another area and everyone will know exactly what I mean
Somehow end up in bed or a shower with a stripper/hooker/ French maid and have to quickly try to explain everything to my wife
Happy Apocalypse, everyone!
email this column to a friend
Comment on this Column:
|Sorry, you must be a member to add comments to columns.|
Join or Login.
Dec 13, 2012 8:28 AM
|Good column. Not so sure about the end of everything. Mayans were great astronomers but they also liked to dismember people and eat their hearts out. I'm not so sure about their prognostications.|
Subscribe to MatchFlick Movie Reviews through RSS
Every other Tuesday
Thoughts, observations, conjectures, complaints about movies and mostly how they relate to me personally. If you're looking for something a little broader, try Ebert.
Born to write (literally – much to the displeasure of his mother, he emerged with a pencil clutched in one tiny fist), Tim spends most of his days crafting epic monosyllabic poems, new comical titles to his favorite Beatles' songs (Hey, Dude), and angry letters to local businesses that have wronged him in some way. He's really an okay guy once you get to know him.|
If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Tim Josephs by clicking here.|