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The End of the World, Take 2
by Tim Josephs

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So, if the Mayans are right (and when have the Mayans ever not been right?), the world will be ending in a couple of weeks. I know a bunch of people are looking forward to the apocalypse, and I sort of am too because I forgot to buy any Christmas presents this year.

Last year when the world was supposed to have ended, I wrote a column about plausible movie-related stuff I wanted to do before that actually happened. If the world doesn't
end this year (and I realize that's a big if), here is some less plausible movie stuff I'd like to do at some point before the planet implodes.

Be involved in a high-speed chase in a car/boat/on skis

Swing from a vine/rope/fire hose

Climb through an elevator shaft

Learn about the true meaning of friendship

Crawl through a heating duct

Go on an epic adventure with a lovable band of misfits that involves doing something or seeing something or getting something or putting something

Fight someone underwater/while falling out of a plane/on the top of a moving vehicle

Discover the power of love (possibly with Huey Lewis' Power of Love playing in the background)

Swim in shark/piranha/giant squid infested waters

Be involved in some sort of genital mishap

Encounter a wise-cracking/foul-mouthed little kid/senior citizen

Provide the comic relief at a tense moment by saying something like "Three down, only six thousand to go" or "That's what I call a hot

Casually walk away from a huge explosion that I was responsible for

Be in a dangerous situation with a team where we'll all have to be silent but where I'll do that thing where you point to your eyes with your fingers and then point them back at someone else and then gesture to another area and everyone will know exactly what I mean

Somehow end up in bed or a shower with a stripper/hooker/ French maid and have to quickly try to explain everything to my wife

Happy Apocalypse, everyone!

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Dec 13, 2012 8:28 AM
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Good column. Not so sure about the end of everything. Mayans were great astronomers but they also liked to dismember people and eat their hearts out. I'm not so sure about their prognostications.
Dec 13, 2012 10:10 PM
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Thanks, Jon. I have a hunch you're probably right about the Mayans, but I guess we'll see.

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Movie Musings
Every other Tuesday

Thoughts, observations, conjectures, complaints about movies and mostly how they relate to me personally. If you're looking for something a little broader, try Ebert.

Other Columns
Other columns by Tim Josephs:

So Long 2013, and MatchFlickers!

The Season for Peace, Presents, & Puncture Wounds

Women are Once Again Kicking Ass

Chewing the Scenery

The Greatest President We Never Had

All Columns

Tim Josephs
Born to write (literally much to the displeasure of his mother, he emerged with a pencil clutched in one tiny fist), Tim spends most of his days crafting epic monosyllabic poems, new comical titles to his favorite Beatles' songs (Hey, Dude), and angry letters to local businesses that have wronged him in some way. He's really an okay guy once you get to know him.

If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Tim Josephs by clicking here.

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