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School's in From Summer
by Tim Josephs

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So the days are getting shorter and cooler and the leaves on the trees are starting to turn, and we all know what that means: the new school year is almost upon us. I never particularly liked school and looking back, I think that was mostly due to my teachers. Sure, I had some good ones, but I can't really say any were terribly entertaining. I think if I had had some teachers like the ones below, I would've done much better. Here are some of the most memorable movie teachers.

Funniest - Mr. Keating, DEAD POET'S SOCIETY. How could you not like a teacher that did impressions and told you to rip up your text book?

Coolest - Mr. Griffith, EASY A. He didn't seem entirely realistic, but
still cool nonetheless.

Scariest - Mrs. McKeltch, INVADERS FROM MARS. She was just as scary before the aliens took over and she started eating frogs.

Able to Kick the Most Ass - Mr. Miyagi, THE KARATE KID



Hottest (For the Fellas) - Miss Davis, VARSITY BLUES. Stripper teacher would've had me sitting up in class.

- Miss Mitchell, ZAPPED AGAIN. Post EXORCIST and CHAINED HEAT Linda Blair could still get heads turning (get it?).

- Sgt. Callahan, POLICE ACADEMY

Hottest (For the Ladies) - Johnny Castle, DIRTY DANCING. He still makes my wife swoon.

- Mr. Lombardo, WILD THINGS

- Mr. Dunne, HALF NELSON

Likely to Put You to Sleep - The Unnamed Economics Teacher played by Ben Stein, FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF.

Most Entertaining Outside of Class - Mr. Jennings, ANIMAL HOUSE. Enjoys many extracurricular activities with his students.

Biggest Jerk - Mr. Hand, FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH. Jerk, yes, but there was still something likeable about him.

Easiest Grader - Dewey Fin a.k.a. Mr. Schneebly, THE SCHOOL OF ROCK. As long as you rock, you get an A.

Best Love Teacher - Lisa, WEIRD SCIENCE

Best "Love" Teacher - Linda Barrett, FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH. She taught Stacy how to really love those carrots.

Best Self-defense Instructor - Rex, NAPOLEON DYNAMITE. Or worst,
depending on how you look at it.

Nicest - Miss Shields, A CHRISTMAS STORY

Best at Teaching You How to Use Your Innate Abilities - Storm, Jean Grey and the other X-Men teachers at Professor Xavier's school.

- Professors Dumbledore, McGonagall, and others at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Best Band Leader - Mr. Holland, MR. HOLLAND'S OPUS

Best at Giving You Some Firsthand Knowledge - Dr. Henry Jones, Jr., RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK

Most Inspirational, Mr. Escalante, STAND AND DELIVER

Teacher You Wouldn't Mind Spending the Summer With - Mr. Shoop, SUMMER SCHOOL. House parties, field trips to the zoo, watching horror movies in class; that doesn't sound like too bad a summer.

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Mike Thomas
Aug 28, 2012 12:21 PM
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Another great anthology! Your knowledge of movies is most impressive.
Aug 28, 2012 3:23 PM
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Thanks, Mike. Always appreciated.

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Movie Musings
Every other Tuesday

Thoughts, observations, conjectures, complaints about movies and mostly how they relate to me personally. If you're looking for something a little broader, try Ebert.

Other Columns
Other columns by Tim Josephs:

So Long 2013, and MatchFlickers!

The Season for Peace, Presents, & Puncture Wounds

Women are Once Again Kicking Ass

Chewing the Scenery

The Greatest President We Never Had

All Columns

Tim Josephs
Born to write (literally much to the displeasure of his mother, he emerged with a pencil clutched in one tiny fist), Tim spends most of his days crafting epic monosyllabic poems, new comical titles to his favorite Beatles' songs (Hey, Dude), and angry letters to local businesses that have wronged him in some way. He's really an okay guy once you get to know him.

If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Tim Josephs by clicking here.

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