Unbeknownst to most, I get a lot of emails from people asking me all sorts of questions. Because I'm a very busy man, I usually just ignore them. However, today I thought I'd take the time to answer a few of them. If your inquiry wasn't answered, I'm sorry, but it's in my trash file. Feel free to submit again.
Dear Movie Musings Guy,
Is it true you once said that if Hitler, Bin Laden, and Jennifer Aniston were standing in front of you and you had a gun with only two bullets you would shoot Jennifer Aniston twice just to make sure she was dead?
No, that is not true. I never said that. I might've thought it once or twice, but I definitely never said it.
Dear Movie Guy,
I would like to be a movie columnist too. How did you do it?
While being a movie columnist is very rewarding, it took a while to get here. I of course went to college and majored in Film Studies, then got a Master's in Film Analysis, then a Doctorate in Film Culture & Introspection. And now I'm currently working towards a Super Doctorate in Film Pomposity. Good luck!
Dear Hot Shot,
When are you going to quit this movie column hooey and get a real job?
Nice try, Dad. I'm not going to stop writing this column any time soon, and I'm NEVER moving out of your basement!
Dear Mr. Josephs,
I like your column but you often seem to write about things you don't like: romantic comedies, super heroes, sequels, etc. Aren't there any movies you like?
Yes, sure there are movies I like. There was one, maybe ten or fifteen years ago that was okay. I can't recall the name but I thought it was mostly pretty good.
My boyfriend of three years is pressuring me to move in with him. I love him but I'm just not sure I'm ready for that. Do you have any advice?
- Not Sure
Dear Not Sure,
No doubt you contacted me because before I started writing about movies, I used to write an advice column under the name Dr. Sunshine (I got the name from a cult leader I once knew). Anyway, you shouldn't let anyone pressure you into doing something you're not ready for. But if there's one thing I learned from years of movie-watching it's that when two people move in together, funny things tend to happen, or there's a miscommunication and someone suspects the other person of cheating, or there's a bathroom mishap and one of the two ends up in the shower with the wrong person, or a couch somehow catches on fire, or a dog or cat ends up doing something wacky and/or flying out a window, or there's a gross toilet issue, or someone ends up having a terminal disease. But it all works out in the end. I hope I answered your question.
Thanks for writing in, everyone, and I sort of look forward to more questions.
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Every other Tuesday
Thoughts, observations, conjectures, complaints about movies and mostly how they relate to me personally. If you're looking for something a little broader, try Ebert.
Born to write (literally – much to the displeasure of his mother, he emerged with a pencil clutched in one tiny fist), Tim spends most of his days crafting epic monosyllabic poems, new comical titles to his favorite Beatles' songs (Hey, Dude), and angry letters to local businesses that have wronged him in some way. He's really an okay guy once you get to know him.|
If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Tim Josephs by clicking here.|