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80s March Madness: Ladies Bracket
by Tim Josephs

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For those that regularly read this column (all three of you), you know that I have a slight fixation on the 1980s. Though I don't recall a lot of the decade - because I was a kid, not from drugs or anything - I definitely have nostalgia for big hair, music videos, and of course great cheesy movies. Those that know me on a personal level (all four of you) know that I'm also a big sports fan. So with the Final Four tournament about to start, I though it would be fun to combine my three loves: movies, the 80s, and sports. I created my own tournament to determine once and for all the premier actors of the 80s. For brevity's sake I first narrowed the field down to eight. First up is the ladies bracket.

Actresses on the bubble who didn't quite make the cut:

Jamie Gertz - Although she made a lot of movies in the 80s, aside from LESS THAN ZERO and THE LOST BOYS, most were mediocre and/or just unremarkable.

Mia Sara - The girl who will forever be Sloane Peterson to
me just didn't have enough on her resume. Her two biggest 80s films were FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF and LEGEND.

Ally Sheedy - A good showing with WARGAMES, THE BREAKFAST CLUB, and ST. ELMO'S FIRE, but it was the two SHORT CIRCUIT movies that kept her out of the contest.

Kristy Swanson - Although her moments in FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF and PRETTY IN PINK were unforgettable, they're just too brief. DEADLY FRIEND and FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC were solid but not good enough. If only she had played Buffy in the 80s, she might have made it.

On to the tournament:

First up #1 Lea Thompson vs. #8 Daphne Zuniga

Though Zuniga kept it close with VISION QUEST and THE SURE THING, Thompson's BACK TO FUTURE I and II were just too much for her. Zuniga made a late charge with SPACEBALLS, but it was too little, too late.

#2 Elisabeth Shue vs. #7 Phoebe Cates

This one had upset written all over it. Cates came out strong with FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH but
Shue countered with THE KARATE KID. It looked like Cates' GREMLINS and BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG CITY might clinch it but when Shue came back with ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING and all Cates had left was SHAG, Shue got the victory.

#3 Molly Ringwald vs. #6 Jennifer Jason Leigh

This one was a blowout. Though it looked like Leigh might hold her own with FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, when Ringwald brought out THE PICK-UP ARTIST and PRETTY IN PINK, and all that remained for Leigh was THE HITCHER and THE BIG PICTURE, it was over.

#4 Demi Moore vs. #5 Jennifer Grey

This was a close one. Moore opened with ONE CRAZY SUMMER and Grey easily countered that with RED DAWN. Trying for the knock out, Moore then went with ABOUT LAST NIGHT... and, what should have been the killer, ST. ELMO'S FIRE. But Grey answered with FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF and Moore's last attempt - BLAME IT ON RIO - fell short.

Next round:

First up #1 Lea Thompson vs. #5 Jennifer

It was obvious Grey was spent from her last match with Moore. All she really had left was DIRTY DANCING and that did keep her in contention for a while, but when Thompson went with SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL and ALL THE RIGHT MOVES, it was all over.

#2 Elisabeth Shue vs. #3 Molly Ringwald

This one was a classic. Before Ringwald knew what hit her, Shue came bursting out with COCKTAIL and BACK TO THE FUTURE II. But Ringwald didn't panic and THE BREAKFAST CLUB put her over the top in a very narrow victory.

Championship round:

#1 Lea Thompson vs. #3 Molly Ringwald

Ringwald just didn't have enough to contain Thompson. SIXTEEN CANDLES got her out to a big lead but Thompson countered with CASUAL SEX and RED DAWN. And although she faltered with HOWARD THE DUCK, and Ringwald made a late charge with TV shows Diff'rent Strokes and The Facts of Life, it just wasn't enough and Thompson was crowned the champion.

Next up: The Men's bracket.

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Movie Musings
Every other Tuesday

Thoughts, observations, conjectures, complaints about movies and mostly how they relate to me personally. If you're looking for something a little broader, try Ebert.

Other Columns
Other columns by Tim Josephs:

So Long 2013, and MatchFlickers!

The Season for Peace, Presents, & Puncture Wounds

Women are Once Again Kicking Ass

Chewing the Scenery

The Greatest President We Never Had

All Columns

Tim Josephs
Born to write (literally much to the displeasure of his mother, he emerged with a pencil clutched in one tiny fist), Tim spends most of his days crafting epic monosyllabic poems, new comical titles to his favorite Beatles' songs (Hey, Dude), and angry letters to local businesses that have wronged him in some way. He's really an okay guy once you get to know him.

If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Tim Josephs by clicking here.

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