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The Worst Movies of all Time? Part 3
by Tim Josephs

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The List Continues

Alright, let's get right back into it.

FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY (2003)

Why Considered so Bad:

Really lame and silly plot, cartoon-like characters, ridiculous and awkward dance numbers, bad acting. Essentially a very amateurish movie with an obvious attempt to wring more money out of the American Idol cash cow. (It was actually written by Kim Fuller, sister of Idol creator Simon Fuller). It was like they were trying to make a modern-day GREASE, and as silly as that one was, this was just dumb. Like GLITTER, this was a movie that should never have been in theaters; it felt like something Nickelodeon might have made.

Anything good?

The chemistry between Justin and Kelly is surprisingly good, much better than between the central characters in the previously discussed
GIGLI. And although the music is bad, Clarkson's voice is great. Plus it was only 77 minutes long. (There was actually a natural stopping point at around the 70 minute mark, but they had to add another dance number probably to justify the theater release).

Worthy to be called worst ever?

No. Also like GLITTER, this was a film that should just have been forgotten. It isn't offensive or horrific, just incredibly lame.

BATMAN & ROBIN (1997)

Why Considered so Bad:

Overall just a silly movie. It was like a live-action cartoon with outlandish sets, obnoxiously loud colors, and ridiculous dialogue. I don't know if this is what they were going for, but it reminded me of the Batman show from the 60s. I kept expecting to see BANG! and POW! appear on the screen, or Batman to start dancing the
Bat-tusi; and the various things like the Bat skates and Bat credit card just added to the corniness. And the puns, dear lord, the puns. I stopped counting at about fifteen. Plus the acting was just so over-the-top, especially Arnold and Uma. They were like the guy in the top hat twisting his mustache in one of those old melodramas. And I swear there were times when Clooney looked embarrassed to be there.
I can definitely see why the latest Batman movies have gone in the exact opposite direction, totally devoid of humor or fun. (Although, to be honest, I kind of liked this one better than THE DARK KNIGHT).

Anything good?

Um, Batgirl's butt?

Worthy to be called worst ever?

No. This is another harmless, albeit dumb, movie and all thoughts about it should've faded away pretty quickly.

BALLISTIC:
ECKS VS. SEVER
(2002)

Why Considered so Bad:

Aside from a horrible (and ultimately misleading title), this was just a confusing, muddled mess with a stupid plot that was also rather dull. All the action movie clichés were hit: slow-motion, several long chase scenes, choreographed fights, and an endless supply of heavily armed men to be killed off. And the explosions, good god, the explosions. It looked like a sizable piece of Vancouver, BC, was blown up. And I don't know if I'd ever seen that many cars wrecked in one movie.
It felt like a bad adaptation of a video game I'd never want to play.

Anything good?

Lucy Liu looked good in her black leather outfit.

Worthy to be called worst ever?

Possibly. In the action/adventure genre, definitely.


Next time: The list mercifully comes to an end.

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Movie Musings
Every other Tuesday

Thoughts, observations, conjectures, complaints about movies and mostly how they relate to me personally. If you're looking for something a little broader, try Ebert.


Other Columns
Other columns by Tim Josephs:

So Long 2013, and MatchFlickers!

The Season for Peace, Presents, & Puncture Wounds

Women are Once Again Kicking Ass

Chewing the Scenery

The Greatest President We Never Had

All Columns


Tim Josephs
Born to write (literally – much to the displeasure of his mother, he emerged with a pencil clutched in one tiny fist), Tim spends most of his days crafting epic monosyllabic poems, new comical titles to his favorite Beatles' songs (Hey, Dude), and angry letters to local businesses that have wronged him in some way. He's really an okay guy once you get to know him.


Contact
If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Tim Josephs by clicking here.


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