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What 2010 has in store for film fans
by Denise DuVernay

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Sam Rockwell would be perfect in Cameron's next blockbuster.

Sam Rockwell would be perfect in Cameron's next blockbuster.
There are many reasons why I am happy that 2009 is over. It has been trying in so many ways, not the least of which include the media frenzies. Sex scandals, untimely celebrity deaths, cussing out . . . 2009 had it all.

2009 is over, but I have a feeling it will be the gift that keeps on giving, cinematically. Here are my predictions for what we may see in the years to come.

JAMES CAMERON will begin planning his next $500M film, set in 2210 on a distant Spanish-speaking planet. A man fulfilling obligations to country and family accidentally and unexpectedly falls in love with a woman on that planet. Be sure to wear your 3D glasses, especially for this scene in which the man declares: "You have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curves of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of night's light."

MICHAEL BAY will create yet another TRANSFORMERS movie, but in this one, Optimus Prime transforms into a Cadillac Escalade that purposely knocks its bumper into every Prius it sees. Unfortunately, some greedy Priuses come forward claiming damage from the Escalade although they had never actually collided with him, causing the Escalade to reach its insurance policy's maximum payout amount. The Escalade puts itself in storage. Optimus Prime's friends worry about his change and disappearance, and Escalade commercials stop airing.

SAM MENDES creates a drama in which a politician and an athlete interrupt and threaten each other for two hours. They do occasionally stop to have sex, but since they're both married to other people, the copulation only occurs in cars or on washing machines. When the athlete grunts out a particularly loud and proud orgasm, the politician yells "You lie!" The athlete is offended and belittled, but accepts his half-assed apology. Still, the relationship is damaged. The film ends with no resolution or closure.

As for the movies we can definitely look forward to in 2010, in April, an SNL spinoff movie is headed our way (Kristen Wiig
How about Bill Paxton to play the politician in the Mendes drama?

How about Bill Paxton to play the politician in the Mendes drama?
overdose, anyone?) based on the MacGruber sketches. Also in 2010, we have more NARNIA and HARRY POTTER to look forward to. I plan to see YOUTH IN REVOLT because I love that adorable George Michael, I mean Michael Sera (and he owes me someting good after last year's PAPER HEART).

Another SHREK movie is coming out in 2010 (necessary?), a romcom starring Jennifer Lopez is "due" in March (THE BACK-UP PLAN), but if you can't wait that long to get your predictable chickflick fix, that adorable Amy Adams has one coming out January 8 called LEAP YEAR, and a charming romcom with Kristen Bell (WHEN IN ROME) hits theaters on January 29. Pick your chick!

I was skeptical about THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON, but it was so beautifully shot that I'm actually looking forward to ECLIPSE (coming in June). Also coming in June is THE A-TEAM and TOY STORY 3, which promises to be a real treat, even if you don't like Randy Newman. Andy is going off to college; what will become of all the toys?

I am not alone in thinking IRON MAN 2 will be as phenomenal, if not better, than IRON MAN, even if the world is bordering on Downey overload. He is, afterall, much more delicious in large doses than Kristen Wiig.

Ooh! I'm titillated! May is going to rock.

Happy new year, dear readers. Keep warm.

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Jan 5, 2010 10:51 PM
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My apologies to Michael Cera for spelling his name wrong in this column. But I don't apologize for the mean stuff I said about PAPER HEART.
Jan 10, 2010 1:25 AM
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You are more than forgiven, Michael.

Jan 7, 2010 10:41 PM
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Im excited about the A-team and Predators which is predator 3. Also The Expendables looks interesting.

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Take Your Queue From Du
Every other Sunday

Semi-wholesome Midwestern girl and certified Geek Magnet offers her suggestions - often new, sometimes classic - for DVDs that are definitely queue-worthy.

Other Columns
Other columns by Denise DuVernay:

Goodbye, Du

Du Chats Movies With Comics Author Lonnie Millsap

Du Reviews ALPOCALYPSE by "Weird Al" Yankovic

Another Piece Praising BRIDESMAIDS

Friendship Films and DVD Picks for May 17

All Columns

Denise DuVernay
9 out of 10 librarians think Denise is a hoot. The 10th one couldn't corroborate because she was dead.

If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Denise DuVernay by clicking here.

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