I waited as long as I could, but my son wanted to see PAUL BLART: MALL COP, so we rented it the other day.
It just pissed me off. I wasn't expecting anything great, but what the hell was that? The script seemed like first draft where they just wanted to get the thing done and then they'd fill in the jokes and plot holes in later revisions, but those revisions never came.
How the hell did the daughter get into the mall with all those cops surrounding it? I understand why she was there; they were scrapping for any reason for the audience to pull for Paul Blart since the Kevin James/Jayma Mays romance angle wasn't going anywhere, but come on.
Director Steve Carr seems to specialize in crap where the catch phrase around the set has to be 'Well, if they notice that then we're in trouble'. NEXT FRIDAY, DR, DOLITTLE 2, ARE WE DONE YET? But he really hit an all time low with BLART.
No, watching Kevin James play Guitar Hero is not funny, even for a second, let alone the five minutes they forced on us.
What does it say about the world that this movie has made almost 180 million dollars worldwide? I'm not looking for art from Kevin James, and God bless him for every dime he makes; but I would expect at least one laugh in an hour and half.
You know what really pisses me off about this movie? I read for a part and I didn't get it. I'm not pissed that I didn't get the part. I'm disappointed, but rejection is all a part of game when you're an actor. What pisses me off is the guy that did get the part, Allen Covert.
I don't know Allen. He seems like a funny guy. He got arrested for beating up some paparazzi, so you gotta like that. He was good in GRANDMA'S BOY, which he also wrote; and he's fine in the do nothing role as Jerk Security Guard in PAUL BLART: MALL COP. What pisses me off is, it was a bag job from the get go.
They had no intention of hiring a local actor to play the part. They went through all pretence of holding auditions when they knew all along Covert would be playing the part. Covert has been in about 85% of all of Adam Sandler's projects (Sandler produced PAUL BLART). He even wrote that stupid Lunch Lady song for Sandler back in his SNL days. They just made a bunch of local actors jump for peanut for no good reason at all.
You have to wonder why. The Screen Actors Guild is a joke in Boston. They let Boston Casting get away with charging actors to audition, why would the producers of PAUL BLART feel they had to give them any lip service at all? It must just be some kind of cruel joke.
All I know is, next time I run across Adam Sandler in town he'll be wearing one of my size 11 ½ Topsiders in his ass. Maybe literally, maybe figuratively. We'll see; and not just because PAUL BLART: MALL COP sucked (if I kicked his ass for every sucky movie he makes I'd never get any work done), but because he wasted my time at the audition. No, on second thought, I'll kick his ass for FUNNY PEOPLE too.
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Lance Norris gives us his opinions on the state of film, vents about Hollywood, and generally lets his thoughts fly.
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