Not too long ago I wrote a column lamenting the current state of horror films and, after seeing commercials for SORORITY ROW and HALLOWEEN II (So they're remaking sequels now? It's come to that?), I stand by my words. However, after recently watching a movie, and pairing it with one I saw a year or so ago, there might actually be reason to believe innovation in the horror genre isn't dead after all.
The first film I saw was TEETH. This is a delightful story about a young girl who has a rather interesting dental situation. You see, she has two sets of teeth, an upper pair and a lower, if you get my drift. Things are fine until someone wrongs her and happens to be, uh, in her at the time. That's when the lower set of teeth gets to work, biting and chomping whatever happens to be in there. The film was kind of gross (more than once I felt a deep ache in my loins) but at the same time campy and fun. I think there might have been a moral in there somewhere too but besides "be nice to girls because they might 'bite' off your pillypacker" I'm not sure what it was. On a side note, I have a friend who loved the movie and thought if all women were afflicted with such a disorder men would treat them better and the world would be a happier place. Kind of a naïve notion but still sweet nonetheless. By the way, this friend is a male and straight so if any of you ladies out there would like to meet him, let me know.
The other movie, the one I saw recently, was ONE EYED MONSTER. I believe this was a direct to DVD or strictly a cable film and it stars the infamous Ron Jeremy. Jeremy is essentially playing himself and he and several other adult film stars head up to a remote cabin in the woods to shoot a movie. But wouldn't you know it, just as they're about to shoot the first scene, Ron gets possessed by some kind of alien force and becomes a killer. Well, not Ron exactly, more like his most famous attribute. Chaos ensues as "little Ron" reeks havoc and slaughters nearly everyone. I do have to say, that although pretty badly acted, with extremely low-budget special effects, this was still an entertaining movie. And the way the "monster" was finally killed was funny and rather clever.
So, this got me thinking, were these the only two movies that featured slaying sex organs? I decided to do a little research to find out. (And if my wife is reading this, those Google searches were strictly for research purposes only.) Here's what I discovered.
In 1996 a film called THEY BITE was released. And while it's not the main focus – there's some kind of monster fish on the loose – it does at one point feature a woman with fanged privates. And, perhaps not surprisingly, Ron Jeremy is in this one too.
But then, digging a little further, I hit the genital jackpot. In 2005 a film came out called PERVERT! (I love the exclamation point), starring another adult film actor and onetime California governor candidate Mary Carey. This one's about a guy with a detachable willie that has a thirst for blood. And, a year before that one, a movie came out that has to be a contender for the least subtle title of all time: SEXUAL PARASITE: KILLER PUSSY. And no, it has nothing to do with cats. This one, shockingly, is a Japanese film and it's about a group of young girls who get some kind of infection that causes their nether regions to grow long, sharp teeth much to the dismay of their boyfriends.
I guess with only a handful of films it's too early to call this a new sub-category of the horror genre. But, I have to say I like it. It's new and different and not just the same old thing repackaged (pun intended). Of course, if this trend does continue it won't be long before there are a dozen knock-offs and the whole thing becomes boring, but until then, I look forward to the next film about a murderous member or lethal labia.
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| Movie Musings |
Every other Tuesday
Thoughts, observations, conjectures, complaints about movies and mostly how they relate to me personally. If you're looking for something a little broader, try Ebert.
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| Tim Josephs |
Born to write (literally – much to the displeasure of his mother, he emerged with a pencil clutched in one tiny fist), Tim spends most of his days crafting epic monosyllabic poems, new comical titles to his favorite Beatles' songs (Hey, Dude), and angry letters to local businesses that have wronged him in some way. He's really an okay guy once you get to know him.
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