he looks well enough to fight! |
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Here's what this column will not be: a discussion of comic fatherhood movies. There will be no talk about PARENTHOOD or DADDY DAYCARE or FATHER OF THE BRIDE (of its original, almost identical remake, or predictable sequel). I mean, yeah, Steve Martin has his moments in some parenting films, but that's only because he has his moments in all of his movies.
No, this will be a brief, quiet soliloquy on fathers.
Father's Day never gets the press that Mother's Day does, which is probably because fathers are mythologically scary. They kill their own children (sometimes eating them), usually to stop prophecies about the son inheriting his father's position (it's a metaphor, dads, quit being so paranoid). Even when their power is solid, they often order edicts to kill other people's children, or test loyalty by ordering their followers to do so.
All of this mythological anxiety hasn't gone entirely away—if you're a pregnant woman in America and you die, statistically, you 
I never pictured it with a cricket bat, but I can see the appeal |
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will be more likely to die at the hands of your unborn child's father than from any other cause. Guys—women would really rather you just abandon them. Lots of other fathers do it.
I've had my share of fathers—the absent & then dead kind, the neglectful stepfather, the stern but adoring grandfather (if you've ever read HEIDI, that's my grandfather, down to the goats). My grandfather raised me for a few years after his retirement & he was this little girl's everything. Father's Day was created for fathers like him. The ones who stay, the ones who adore their wives, the ones who love.
Every once in a while, I'll be watching a movie and get completely caught unaware by my daddy-response. Take MULAN, a fun-loving film about war, impersonation, cross-dressing, and talking dragons (for a second, I was almost describing ALL THE QUEEN'S MEN). It's Disney-schlock for the most part, but I cry every time her dad says he's proud to have her as a daughter.
If you have a problematic relationship with your father, don't run off to war in his place, just hope for a deathbed reconciliation. My favorite example is in SHAUN OF THE DEAD. Shaun's father has long since passed away and he's had a stepfather for over half his life. He is almost overjoyed when zombies bite his stepfather, as that means he'll have to kill him to rescue his mother (issues, anyone?). Yet his stepfather is able to initiate a heart to heart before succumbing to his injuries and Shaun is able to get his mother away without having to re-kill the man he will now call his father.
Remember dads, if you want us to miss you, make sure you tell us you're proud before you become the walking dead.
Another thing dads should know—sexist shit is so over. Your boys might play with dolls and your girls might be destined to be tribal leaders. Check out WHALE RIDER if you haven't already. In it, a Maori chief refuses to accept that his granddaughter may be the destined heir of the 
It's both the man and the books I love! |
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tribe's authority. He disapproves of her when she fights and does other unladylike things (in fact, Maori crew members chanted to ward off bad mojo that might arise from the actress acting out the fights, etc.). The stubborn curmudgeon finally does accept his granddaughter for who she is, of course. It only takes a miracle.
It's a beautiful, touching movie about a culture that American viewers haven't been able to see much of. It made me cry because there's a curmudgeon out there who loves me, even though I don't fit into all of his expectations.
As a last note, if I had to live with any fictional father, it would be Giles, from the BUFFY THE VAMPIRE series. He's British, bookish, and can kick ass. More importantly, he's encouraging, rarely judgmental, and supportive. I know, he's not actually anyone's father. He's just a man who lost the only job he ever loved because he loved his charge like a daughter, who fought beside her and believed in her through the ends of the world.
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 | Denise
Jun 17, 2009 10:22 AM
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Great column! I especially love that you brought up Giles-- he really is one of the best fictional father-types. I have not seen WHALE RIDER, but now I want to.
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 | Jenni
Jun 17, 2009 1:43 PM
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| Just to add to Giles' father-ish creds, he did have sex with Buffy's mother, albeit under the influence of Band Candy. (And under amnesia he makes an interesting father to Spike... |
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| Karma Waltonen |
Dr. Karma is a silly, nerdy know-it-all, but in a good way. She brings all her overeducation to discuss that which truly matters: comedy. As some famous guy once said: “And if I laugh at any mortal thing, ‘tis that I may not weep.” Or something like that.
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