Push-face. See what I mean? |
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The other day, someone sent me a link to one of those silly lists (not unlike the kind that I make for this column from time to time). This particular list was the 20 sexiest UGLY celebrities. The people on the list were, in my opinion, definitely ugly (which is why I'm not going to list them here. I'm not that mean), but I didn't find any of them sexy. This got me thinking, "Hey! I should make a list, but I won't be so damn harsh about it!"
So here goes: My list of actors who are not traditionally good-looking but have that certain something that makes them sexy. No one on my list is ugly, but if they were non-celebrities in line next to me wearing jeans and a T-shirt at Auntie Anne's pretzels, I probably wouldn't give them an extended glance. And I'm guessing that neither would you.
10. Ali Larter
Yes, she's got some nice hair and a killer bod, but facially, she's more manly than striking. In fact, if anything is notable about her face, it's those ginormous teeth. Still, her bad self on Heroes is hot, and when Elle Woods visits her in prison in LEGALLY BLONDE, there is definitely something sexy about Larter in an orange jumpsuit.
Du's Queue Pick: DRIVE ME CRAZY (1999). Larter plays a disenfranchised youth opposite Adrian Grenier, before he had a group of d-bags following him around.
9. Hank Azaria
I've always felt that Hank has a certain cuteness about him. But if the brilliant, hilarious voice work he does for The Simpsons and that six-pack in ALONG CAME POLLY weren't so well-known, he'd blend right in with the rest of us in line at Target.
Du's Queue Pick: AMERICA'S SWEETHEARTS (2001). My initial gut instinct told me not to see this, as any film starring Julia 
Clive Owen- he's not Colin Firth, but he'll do. |
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Roberts in a fatsuit is just not that appealing, but my adoration for Hank Azaria and the adorableness that IS John Cusack won out. Azaria plays Hector Gonzales, the wife-stealing Latin lover who provides much of the com in this better-than-expected rom-com.
8. Penélope Cruz
I know what you're thinking: "Dude, are you nuts! She is smokin' hot!"
Sure ... for someone who is totally funny-looking. Look closely; she has what I call a push-face. Everything of importance (eyes to mouth) is in a narrow little 2-inch space and everything else is hair, hair, hair. Still, something about her hips and the way she stole VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA makes her very sexy.
Du's Queue Pick: VOLVER (2006). Cruz is phenomenal in this mystery, and no one writes parts for women (in any language) like Pedro Almodóvar.
7. Clive Owen
Clive was probably a gorgeous toddler. Those sweet, expressive eyes, deeply dimpled cheeks . . . but as an adult, his wide nose, that protruding Reese Witherspoon-esque chin, thicker-than-should-be-legal eyebrows, and exaggerated lip dip are the strangest individual facial features of anyone on this list, but somehow they work together to equal one sexy guy.
Du's Queue Pick: CHILDREN OF MEN (2006). A science-fiction movie for people who don't like science-fiction movies but enjoy an engaging look at a not-outlandish bleak future. In CHILDREN OF MEN, Owen needs to save the world's last pregnant woman.
6. Amy Sedaris
Sedaris does her damndest to play unattractive characters on film and TV. Shoot, when you're best known for the unattractive and awkward character Jerri Blank from Strangers With Candy, it's hard for the general public to know how attractive you really are, 
When he's not Dwight, he's handsome! |
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although she doesn't seem to mind. The people she won over on the Second City stage certainly know. She's had small roles in many films including ELF and THE SCHOOL OF ROCK. Currently, she is the unfortunately named Ms. Cameltoe in the Wayans' spoof DANCE FLICK (which I won't be seeing. Probably).
Du's Queue Pick: Strangers With Candy Season 2. Purists will tell you to start from the beginning, but I'm kinda partial to Season 2 because it has guest spots by Andy Richter, Janeane Garofalo and Bebe Neuwirth, not to mention the hilarious episode in which Jerri tries to find her lost virginity (it's on the C drive). And did I mention Stephen Colbert? Did I have to?
5. Rainn Wilson
You might be cringing, dear reader, because Dwight Schrute is such a cantankerous, creepy, creepy character, but do a Google image search, and what you will find is that if the hair isn't gelled back revealing a huge forehead, he's not half-bad looking. Then get rid of those weird short-sleeved shirts, replace the glasses with a bit of facial hair, and Rainn Wilson is a tasty, tall drink of water!
Du's Queue Pick: Six Feet Under Season 3. Wilson is perfect as the odd and quiet Arthur.
4. Maggie Gyllenhaal
She's way too skinny, she looks exactly like her brother except that he got the nice nose, and she has virtually no top lip. Despite all of that, there is something undeniably appealing about the newlywed Gyllenhaal.
Du's Queue Pick: STRANGER THAN FICTION (2006). Will Ferrell and Gyllenhaal had terric chemistry in this witty, smart, terrific film.
3. Bill Murray
Funny is sexy. And Bill has both down, even as he grows older. He's always had a receding hairline, he's got a 
Typical, unnoticable Emily Blunt. |
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button nose that really only belongs on someone playing Dakota Fanning's best friend, and he's also got a bit of the Penélope Cruz push-face thing going, but damn! There is something absolutely sexy about him.
Du's Queue Pick: BROKEN FLOWERS (2005). My favorite of the three Jim Jarmusch films I've seen, and one of my favorite roles of Murray's. I'm guessing it's the best Bill Murray movie you've never seen. Murray plays Don, a committed bachelor who tracks down his exes to try to solve some personal mysteries. Interestingly, one of his exes is played by Frances Conroy from Six Feet Under.
2. Emily Blunt
If you know who Emily Blunt is at all, it's probably as Emily, Miranda's "number one" in THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA. She doesn't tend to stand out, as she either looks like a sullen teenager or ridiculously plain, especially next to Anne Hathaway. But a closer look reveals lovely, full lips and a set of some amazing breasts.
Du's Queue Pick: SUNSHINE CLEANERS (2008). Blunt plays Norah, the unreliable sister of a desperate entrepreneur played by Amy Adams. Her part in SUNSHINE CLEANERS is a quiet one, with a few zingers and harsh lines, but her performance in this heartfelt comedy is as impressive as her American accent.
1. Humphrey Bogart
Bogart was an ugly man. At 5' 8", he was not nearly tall enough to be a traditional leading man. He was bald, had a horse face, and when I look at him, I swear I can smell cigarettes. Yet, his voice and stage presence made the camera love him.
Du's Queue Pick:THE AFRICAN QUEEN (1951). Bogart takes on Katharine Hepburn, swarms of bugs, and leeches in this movie that has it all -- adventure, Germans, romance and two of the 20th century's best actors.
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 | Peggy
Jun 7, 2009 11:44 PM
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| Nice, Du. I enjoyed reading it for myself. And I did see "Broken Flowers", although I'd never choose it as my Bill Murray pick film (that honor HAS to go to "Lost in Translation", which IS superb!) I'll consider putting "Sunshine Cleaners' on my queue based on this column. Love, love, love, MJM |
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 | Karma
Jun 17, 2009 2:05 PM
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| I totally agree with this list. Bill is a favorite and so is smoking hot Clive. |
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| Chris
Jun 18, 2009 5:40 PM
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Nice to know that I am not the only one who thinks Amy Sedaris is appealing to the eye.
(I took my sister's advice and registered to possibly render sassy comments.) |
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Jun 11, 2009 12:57 PM