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Mutants On Parade 12/04/08
by Lance Norris

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Suddenly it appears that I have been placed here on this earth to help everyone everywhere finance their movies, no matter how stupid; although I'm not a producer and I would never give anyone money to make a movie, no matter how good the script is. Still they come. The latest was yesterday when a fella, who I hope is using English as a second or maybe third language, emailed me that his friend has finished the ultimate script on Houdini and found a man that would be happy to produce it for him, as long as they came up with the money.

I wanted to set him straight and tell him that I don't produce movies and neither does his new friend that claims he'll produce a movie if you come up with the money; but people don't want to hear that. So I tried I different tact. I told him:

'I would guess that after the failure of Gillian Armstrong's DEATH DEFYING ACTS (estimated budget $20,000,000US. Made $3,561 on it's opening weekend and was pulled) earlier this year it, would be a hard sell to get anyone in Hollywood to be interested in another Houdini movie. Any movie about any magician would be a hard sell right now.

THE PRESTIGE cost about $40,000,000US to make and only took in $56,000,000US. After marketing, that would be a loss.

THE ILLUSIONIST is said to have had a budget of $16.5 million and took in $39.8. After marketing, a small win.

NEXT, the Nic Cage yawner, had a $70,000,000 budget and took in just under $18 million at the box office. You didn't need to be a mentalist to see that crash coming.

Woody Allen's SCOOP was made for his traditional $4 million and took back over $10 with no marketing. Maybe the best money maker %wise out of them all, but hardly a 'magician's movie'.

Now, if the new Houdini Broadway show staring Hugh Jackman is a hit, all that will change of course and there will be four or five Houdini projects that get the green light and one that will actually get made, but more than likely it'll star someone like Ben Stiller or Will Ferrell, and after failing to make back half it's budget; we'll all go rent the Tony Curtis Houdini movie and wonder why they don't make them like that any more.'

I guess that's better than telling them, 'you and your friend are idiots. Leave me alone'.

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Ask a Bitter Man
Every Thursday

Lance Norris gives us his opinions on the state of film, vents about Hollywood, and generally lets his thoughts fly.

Other Columns
Other columns by Lance Norris:

Later On Croutons

Mutants On Parade 11/12/09

Mutants On Parade 11/5/09

Mutants On Parade 10/29/09

Mutants On Parade 10/21/09

All Columns

Lance Norris
Lance Norris, dubbed "Boston's only straight Film Critic" reviews movies for WZLX in Boston.

He has two books entitled Ask A Bitter Man: The Best of 1984 - 1999 Vol. 1 and I've Seen Better Film On The Teeth of Wolverines. which you can buy here

If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Lance Norris by clicking here.

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