Happy Halloween, everyone! I'd be a really bad horror junkie if I didn't do something horror related. I was thinking about a list of my favorite horror movies, but it would pretty much look like most of those lists. I thought about ranking a franchise, but how interesting is it to say that HALLOWEEN 8: RESURRECTION sucked? Actually, quite interesting. When I used to do reviews it was probably the longest one I wrote. I went on for a four part series, and actually had it optioned as a novella before people realized that at least two pages were simply me going off on Michael Myers being killed, essentially, by spilled coffee. The scars don't heal like you think they will.
I thought an article about how to run a successful haunted house would be interesting. All of the procedures, legality, layout, design, and so forth. If I find one, or get any experience into that sort of thing, I'll let you know.
Ultimately I've settled on how to tell a ghost story. By ghost story I don't mean actually about ghosts, although it can be. I mean the process of spinning a yard around a camp fire late at night, everyone jumping at the noise of the woods around you as you layer on detail after detail. So really I'm talking about camp fire stories, which I call ghost stories. Oddly enough, I called ghosts camp fires until I was seven. It made hauntings and arson very confusing.
The first thing you need for a camp fire story is a camp fire. Make sure to have a ring of rocks piled tall enough around the fire to contain it properly. Also make sure the rocks touch all the way around. Nothing ruins a story like a stray ember lighting somebody on fire just as you get to a good bit. Cooking hot dogs, marshmallows, or tacos over the fire is fine, but more complex dinners like scallops or chicken alfredo might be a bit too distracting. I suggest wrapping some large potatoes and a slab of butter in about four layers of foil, then resting them on the outer edge of the fire's hot coals. Then, once story time is done, everyone can enjoy a tasty, fluffy baked potato.
The second thing you need is a story. Unlike film, television, or stage, I don't think the story has to be very good. Actually, too good a story can hurt you because people will ask too many questions as you go instead of all of the details. All you really need is a good ending. By good ending, I mean you have something even sort of creepy at all to end on. A hook on the door, a message on the mirror, that one thing you build up to, then when everyone is leaning in, you either shout it or say it slow as you make eye contact with everyone. In this case we'll go with a trail of hoof prints burnt into the floor.
You always open with something that sounds vaguely personal. You heard about this camp site when you were reading up on this story, or did you ever tell everyone what happened to your uncle? That house we passed on the way up? Folks around here call it Clown House, but they don't smile when they say it. Immediately invest everyone, instead of saying, "Oh, I've got one! So these two drunk kids..."
Introduce the characters quick and detailed, like you knew them. How do they know each other? Where do they work? How does she wear her hair? "Joe met up with Cindy after he got out of work at the oil refinery. He'd been there two years because the pay was good, but now that she was in college she was tired of him always working the overnights."
It's important to front load pointless detail because at some point you will start dropping in important bits, and you don't want it to be obvious. In this case, I'll say that Joe was just working at the refinery long enough for Cindy to finish culinary school. You also get more people to pay attention with detail. If you ramble, they'll start making jokes or asking questions. If you're hitting them with a bunch of facts, they stay quiet so they don't miss something.
The story can be boring for a lot of it it you say everything like the weight of the world pulled on every word that came out of your mouth. As you explain that Cindy made Joe an Angel Food Cake because this was the anniversary of the day his brother died in a car crash, six years back, right down the street from their house and she added the eggs, and she stirred, wondering what it was about this cake that made it important to him, and now the flour, and she sifted it slowly, just right, and felt the room get colder even as the over preheated, you make sure to say everything like you're letting them in on a secret.
Truth be told, with the kicker in mind, you can ramble. Just add detail, and twist and turn. As you think of good bits to add, work them in. Don't ever say you forgot to tell them something. If you left out a detail, have somebody pick up a memento. Use that to remind the character of the missing detail, like it just now became important. It'll feel like a clue, a bread crumb. Speaking of crumbs, you might want to rotate the potatoes. When the foil starts to blacken it's good to give them a spin.
When people look like they're really hooked, really push the ominous side of things. Anything you can make bad, foreboding, or grisly, go for it. If a body is found, go into detail. If it's just tone, always suggest cold things like a breeze, the soft hum of the air conditioning, the snow creeping down inside their boots, or wading out into a night time river.
At the first sign somebody thinks you're dragging it out, start reeling it in. Find a reason to move the main character to another location. This way they can either go to find the reveal, or, much more effective, they can return to discover it. The power of the return is that you've built up a mental picture of some place, so when they go back to find something bad it preys on the comfort of the familiar.
In my story we'll say that Cindy went out to pick Joe up from work. On the way home she remembered she needed ice cream. He kept looking at his watch, said they didn't need ice cream. "Nonsense," she said. He said she could drop him off then go get it. There was something he knew, and he needed to be home soon. And he didn't seem to want her there. You're clearly building to something. If you can, pause to take a drink and lock eyes with everyone to let them know this is the home stretch.
Bring in a sudden event that sounds like it should be the end of the story. A death, a car crash, the cops have left the house saying everything is okay, the victim escapes from the killer and makes it to a diner. Everything seems to be tied up, ONLY... It's the last bit that's the payoff. You've told the obvious bit of the story, the ending we all saw coming. But there's just one more thing. In my story, just as they're almost home, the car speeds off the road. It crashes into a telephone pole, killing Joe immediately. Cindy climbs from the wreckage, crawls home, the smoldering wreckage behind her, thankful to be alive despite losing everything. The end?
This is when you drop your voice an octave, get as solemn as possible, and slowly let everyone know that kicker. As Cindy crawls to the kitchen, she hears Joe's brother's voice. It sounds strange, distant, but right there. As she drags herself around the corner, she sees Joe and his brother, bloody, sitting at the table together enjoying the cake. Leading from the table are a series of hoof prints burned into the floor. She follows them over to the counter where Satan is pouring some milk, curdling as it reaches the glass. He turns, cake knife in hand, looks directly at her, and says "Hello, Cindy! Join us for a slice?"
Sort of lame, sure. But this is why you have somebody jump out of the woods suddenly and grab somebody you know is generally a twitchy type. Make sure they're loud and sudden. Also make sure you go on long enough and hold everyone's focus so the sneaker can get into place without being noticed or missed. Also, the longer you go on, the fuller the bladders will be. Mu-hah-hah!
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| Patrick Storck |
Patrick hails from Baltimore, MD, where playing by the rules is frowned upon. Only average things come from playing it safe.
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