She may be the real Love, but that doesn't mean it's real love. |
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As anyone with an analytical mind can tell you, there are a number of intersecting events and feelings that lead you to your current state of mind. For me, recent events include the death of George Carlin, viewing the movie Wanted, continued exposure to extremist rhetoric on both sides of the political coin, celebration of the 4th of July, and meeting a woman for whom I was instantly twitter-pated. As always, my mind idles at its customary 10,000 RPMs, and I wonder which aspect of my consciousness do I share with you unfortunate people.
I'm feeling the love.
I have pondered on more than one occasion the difference between what love and marriage have been historically and their respective meanings now. As it applies to film and television - expressions of instant gratification - versus, says, reading books - marked for extensive development of character and their motivations and relationships - it begs the question: what effect has film and television had on how we perceive relationships? If pornography can be accused of lending unrealistic expectations to a woman's role in the bedroom (or elevator, barn, what have you) and body shape and give men complexes about the importance of size and sexual stamina, does not a romantic comedy or drama raise similarly unrealistic expectations of passion, excitement, the role fate plays, and what I can only define as minute-rice love? (Perfect love in just 90 minutes!)
Take, for instance, a film like How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days. I saw it and thought it was cute, another twist on the boy meets girl paradigm. When I queried a good friend about it he sneered, "No interest." His distaste wasn't for its 
Beautiful moments with foundations in bullshit. |
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identity as a romantic comedy, but for value of truth and honesty in relationships. I'm paraphrasing, but this is the gist of it:
"What pisses me off are these romantic comedies where the two people spend the entire film lying their asses off to one another. At the end they both get exposed for being completely full of shit, then they kiss and hug and wind up together."
This instantly changed my perspective regarding romantic comedies and relationships as they are represented in film and (to a lesser degree) television. I had jokingly wondered once, a long time ago, whether or not Bugs Bunny dressing up like a girl bunny and kissing boys had any effect on the sexual development of any generation, past or present. I reconsidered the question and expanded it to take in the state of relationships overall.
Consider She's All That and other films of its type past and present (brilliantly spoofed in Not Another Teen Movie). The main character is presented as an outcast, rebellious and unattractive. Yet, she's completely smoking hot - without the mid-movie make-over. Furthermore, the hunky bubba with whom she ends up not only starts hanging with her to win a bet (lies again) but he's the jock douche bag we all knew and hated in high school - only he's deep and complex, conflicted about the pressures of being loved. I'll admit it's a cute movie, but you have to admit that this smells more than a little of hog's poo.
Let's look at something a little more mainstream where the love story isn't even the film's weight-bearing wall: Spiderman. Peter Parker loves Mary Jane Watson. Why? Seriously, why is he in love with her? He's never spoken with 
Mary-Jane? Spider-man. Talked to a docter and... you better get checked. |
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her, and she's sold her soul to be popular on the arm of Flash Thompson, the prototypical jock douche bag, even as he bullies those (thought) weak and helpless. In fact, Peter doesn't love her, he's enamored of her and that's not the same thing. I'd like to say that Spiderman is somehow failing where other films are succeeding, but I just plucked it out of any number of mainstream films. When I heard someone complain that there are no good representations of healthy homosexual relationships in film, I wondered if there are even any of healthy heterosexual relationships.
So chicken or egg?
I've come to believe that people like their lives to be more epic than they really are. To quote John Cusack in High Fidelity, "Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable, or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?" Do people want their lives to be epic and dramatic because they watch too much film, or do they watch too much film because they want their lives to be epic and dramatic?
One thing is for sure, healthy relationships are boring when compared to unhealthy ones - who wants to watch a movie where boy meet girl, they like each other, and without either one nearly dying, cheating, breaking up with the other one because they don't feel worthy of love, falling prey to the brass monkey, or having to decide between the love of their life and that job as a design consultant in Paris do they just talk, like adults, about what they want out of life and each other and get married. Conflict is interesting; peace is boring.
So why is that we are so quick to attribute violence to film but there's nary a peep about dysfunctional relations between 
The life of Liz Taylor, a cautionary tale about love. |
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men and women when film is loaded with nothing but unbalanced, unstable, immature, unhealthy relationships? And I'm not talking about pre-existing relationships; there are plenty of examples of people that have known each other forever and seem to have a good thing in film, but none in which we view the conception of the relationship.
I even think it's easier to draw a line between violence in film and in the real world than it is between real love - based on friendship, loyalty, and truth - and reel love. Even if you were the one person that grew up with parents that actually got along and didn't divorce, it's not like you got to see them meet and develop their relationship - you came along after the credits rolled on their boy meets girl story. It's easy to tell your kids not to hit other kids, but how do you tell them to love people for the right reasons?
We've become of world which is dominated by sound bites, drive-thru everything (Texas even has drive-thru liquor stores; go figure), junk bonds - overall an overly active sense of entitlement and instant gratification. We don't like to work for or wait for anything anymore, including someone that we can love and in return be loved for who we are.
Is film or other entertainment to blame (music gets no pass from me)? I don't know. I don't care. I know I don't play that stupid game and I wouldn't waste my time with anyone that would, so it's not my problem. But if you see yourself looking back at the detritus of another failed relationship, multiple ex-wives, or constant impulses to strangle your lover, might I suggest a good book?
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| Thom Williams |
Thom is both a maker and lover of films. He loves, and makes, films of all kinds. He is often as surprised by what he likes as by what he creates himself; Thom entered film school with a distaste for silent, black and white, and foreign films, yet left having made one of each. He likes what he likes and make no apologies for his opinions.
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