George, please go and sit on Luke's Light Saber. Do us all a favor |
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After seeing the cinematic atrocity that was Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull I need to mouth off about George Lucas, the biggest hack in the movie business there is. I am sure I will get some hate mail for bashing one of Hollywood's elite players. Bring it on, the fact that this guy is a multibillionaire and will always have more money than everyone I will ever know in my lifetime, pisses me off.
Did I always dislike the guy, no, I didn't. Before March of 97, I could care less about him, but let me tell you a little anecdote about what set my opinion on the hatred path.
So, it's March of 97, George Lucas is re-releasing the original Star Wars trilogy as a money grab, I mean as a way to showcase the new graphics that his company has used to update his movies. It had nothing to do with him trying to make more money, that comment was totally out of line. Now at the time Lucas was trying to get his latest money grab, I was working for a movie theater in Calgary. A few friends and I decided that we wanted to do something cool for the premier of the film. We were having an industry screening of the films where all of the big wigs would be there, and so we went about writing a parody script. I secured the rentals of a Darth Vader, Three storm troopers, and a Luke costume, we planned it, rehearsed it, choreographed it, and it was good to go.
Cue the opening day of the film, and the night of the staff screening. Enter a fax transmission from George Lucas. I will paraphrase, but give you the gist of it.
"Reminder to all theaters that the characters depicted in the Star Wars films are property of LucasFilms Inc. Theater Staff are not to be dressed in any costumes from the Star Wars Trilogy unless proper permission has been granted and or proper royalties have been paid to LucasFilm Inc. Any breach of this request will be punished with fines and or prosecuted for trademark infringement.
Two things about 
To Suck or Not to Suck That is the Question? It depends on who you ask. |
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this pissed me off: The first is the obvious one, that we are promoting his bloody movie, paying tribute to it and entertaining people who were going to see it, and the second is that we get this fax the day of the premiere, and not weeks before when the planning could have been kyboshed in two seconds.
My theater was out nearly one thousand dollars in cash and barters, I was out one hundred hours of my life spent writing, directing, practicing and shopping for the production, and George Lucas was laughing his ass off in his thirty million dollar estate, with his twenty seven cars, tennis courts, and throng of personal attendants.
And I have not even gotten to how badly written the Star Wars films are yet. The special effects FOR THE TIME were great, but by today's standards, not so much. If it weren't for all the dorks keeping the love of this trilogy alive we might have been spared Lucas' second attempt at a Star War Trilogy, and we would have been left with the original crappy trilogy, rather than the sexology of pathetic cinema that is Star Wars.
These films were badly written, badly acted, and badly directed. The writing was as cliché as it was predictable; the acting was like a high school drama production. The special effects were about the only thing going for them, but the same could be said about the movie TRON, and I didn't see that movie last the test of time.
How these movies survived the decades and are as well loved as they are today is beyond me. Well, actually it's not that beyond me, people are also entertained by internet videos of skateboarders breaking their bones, of any kind of nut shut, or accidents of any kind. I guess the fact that Star Wars appeals to the lowest common denominator may attest to their longevity despite how bad they are as films.
Years ago I read an article about Tim Roth's character Archibald Cunningham from ROB ROY beating Darth Vader as the all time best movie 
Great Pick George |
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villain. This was a happy day for me. Star Wars nerds everywhere were in an uproar. I am sorry but a guy dressed in black who wields a light saber is no contest when compared someone that robs a guy, kills his friend, is given the job to get the robbed money back for the lender, rapes the wife of the guy he stole from so that he can imprison him for not being able to repay the debt, and then take such pleasure in torturing the man is no contest.
I will say very little about Crystal Skull other than to ask why George Lucas can't come up with a film that DOESN'T involve aliens from a dimension far far away. Why did it take him so long to come up with that piece of crap? He said he was waiting for a suitable script to happen. He needs to learn what a good script is.
George Lucas seems to have blinders on when it comes to a good script. If there's a bad script out there not only is George likely to like it, he will fund it and expect being a producer on the film to get him out of debt. Case in point HOWARD THE DUCK. Lucas was so far in debt from creating the Skywalker Ranch that he needed to film to be a box office smash to get out of debt. After the film bombed he was forced to sell off a part of his CGI animation division to Steve Jobs. This company later became PIXAR, perhaps you have heard of it.
And wait.......... What was the main premise of Howard the Duck, I think it had something to do with an alien from a galaxy far far away.
One look at the resume of George Lucas and it is plainly obvious that Star Wars and Indiana Jones are the only good ideas he has come up with, and he found a way to ruin both of them. Well, he found a way to wreck Indiana Jones at any rate. Star Wars, as I have said, was terrible from the get go.
The guy needs to stick to the special effects because the guy can not write, produce or direct a decent film.
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| Mouthing Off |
Every other Thursday
Mouthing Off is the no bull, tell it like it is column on various issues in the Hollywood arena. You want PC, then keep on moving, you won't get it here.
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| Jeff Winston |
I am a part time writer and full time teacher. I am currently stationed in the middle of nowhere, northern Alberta, Canada. I love movies, and I love to vent, I am happy to have an outlet to incorporate both here on Matchflick.
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| Contact |
If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Jeff Winston by clicking here.
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