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Movies + People = World's Worst Combo
by Aidan Abhorrent

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I seem to only have luck going to the movies with one person: my boyfriend.

In the two weeks that have passed since my last failure column, I've been to see three movies. All with different people. All with their own problems.

The first I went to see was DEFINITELY, MAYBE, which I saw with my boyfriend. The movie passed quite peacefully and I didn't leave the theatre swearing to murder anyone. All in all, it was a happy, pleasant movie-going experience. It was also the last really pleasant experience I had at the movies, this month.

DEFINITELY, MAYBE itself, by the way, is a really, really good flick. Ryan Reynolds gave an awesome performance, as usual, and Abigail Breslin is quite possibly the coolest kid I've ever seen. "PENIS! PENIS!" I just about pissed myself laughing.

The second movie I saw was DOOMSDAY. I went to see this with my boyfriend and a friend of ours who is currently going through some relationship drama. It was originally supposed to be Guy's Night, but apparently the other guy bailed and I told my boy that if he saw this movie without me I would kill him. So, I got pulled into Guy's Night.

Our friend... is a great guy. I love him to bits and pieces. He's my friend and that means that I would do anything for him. But, I almost punched him in the face.

Said friend picked me up (since he's closer to where I live, it would be easier for him to get me rather than my boyfriend) and we hung around outside making fun of the emo and scene kids, talking about sex and relationships, and about
going to the movies.

We had a ten minute long conversation on how obnoxious it is to talk in the movies.

I think you know where I'm going with this.

So, in the theatre, I'm sitting between my boyfriend and our friend. And, during the previews we all throw out our (quiet) commentary. That's to be expected, really. "That looks good." "That looks stupid." "Who is that? I know I've seen her before." The usual.

Once the movie starts, my boy and I clam up, but our friend just keeps on going. I mean, he would not shut up. Every ten minutes he had some comment to make, some witty observation, or more often than not, "She's really, really hot."

I... am totally engrossed in this movie. I fell in love with this movie. I was bouncing up and down in my seat, I was shaking my fists with joy and I was on the edge of my seat, practically crawling into the row in front of us to get closer to the awesomeness that is DOOMSDAY.

But, I've got Sir. Yakkity-Yak in my ear the whole time, killing my buzz. And, I'm not one of those people that can tune people out. It's been engrained in me to get the last word, no matter what, so if someone talks to me I'll say something back.

This turns me into an asshole and makes me miss parts of the movie.

When we left, I swore never to sit by our friend in the movies again. My boyfriend also mentioned that he wanted to reach over and tell him to shut up.

The third and final movie I saw was THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL. I saw this with my best friend (the girlfriend of the previously mentioned friend) to distract her
from all the relationship drama.

However, she'd already seen the movie. But, it was the only thing playing that we both wanted to see and had the time to see, so that's what we saw.

All through out the movie (which was pretty good, although a bit chick-flicky for my tastes) I was greeted with the sparing comments of "This guy's a douche" and "Stab, stab, stab."

We also had this great conversation that nearly made me punch her in the face:
Her: She stabs him in his sleep.
Me: *look of disbelief that she would tell me that* *short pause to control my anger* ...really?
Her: No, but she should.

There were also the phone calls and text messages, which I'll admit probably annoyed her to receive them just as much as it annoyed me that she pulled her phone out of her purse every twenty minutes. However, I give her credit that she did not answer any of the texts.

But, I got to hear about how annoying it was that she was receiving them. This, really, is kind of worse. I'd rather her answer them, because that doesn't distract me from the movie.

Unfortunately, I don't get to complain about that experience, though, because of two key factors:
1. I know that she is one of those people who talks about the movie she's already seen with the person she's watching it with.
2. I've already been through almost this exact same scenario with her in the past.

I knew what I was getting into, but I jumped in anyways.

From now on, I think I'll just go to movies alone or with the boyfriend. At least going with him, if he distracts me the distractions are pleasant.

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Acting Queer
Every other Tuesday

Talking about movies from a queer girl's point of view, possibly with psychological, sociological and political undertones.

Other Columns
Other columns by Aidan Abhorrent:


All You Need is Hate: A Paris Hilton Rant

Hello. I fail.

Where're My Girls At?

The Movie Diaries

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Aidan Abhorrent
Aiden is a queer punk rocker feminist with a loud mouth and too much to say. Studying psychology and sociology makes her think she knows everything about everybody, which she very well might.

If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Aidan Abhorrent by clicking here.

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