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Top 10 Biggest Nerds in Film History!
by Tim Malcolm

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Sometimes its easier to say this without sounding pathetic, but I truly do admit that I am a nerd at heart. Although I may not wear pocket protectors, Christmas sweaters or mix brown and black accessories and I don't sit at home and program The Matrix from my bedroom I still have been known to do some rather geeky things in my life. Think of the most dorky things a person can do and at some point I have probably tried it.

  • Dungeons and Dragons been there done that.
  • Magic the Gathering yep I even still own some of them.
  • Blowing it with girls in my younger days I was no Rico Suvae.
  • Wearing Glasses In 2nd grade you would have thought I was an aviator pilot, just instead of tinted lenses they were clear.
  • Collecting Comic Books Easy now, I still collect!
  • Being a Film Geek A surprise, I run this site for God's sake.
  • Lord of the Rings YES I own the 3 disc versions of all three Lord of The Rings films AND have watched every minute of every disc.....multiple times!

    To top all of that off when computer people talk their lingo in front of me I can almost make about 75% of it out now. I guess I could keep going but I cant have a reputation for being too geeky now can I. What's weird is you have two different types of nerds. There are nerds that KNOW they are nerds and nerds that think they are not but are. I have always known that certain things I did were really freaking geeky but I didn't care enough to stop me. I laugh at people with my friends for doing the same geeky stuff that I did and justify it because, .......well......I guess I want to be a cool guy at heart. Anyway here is a look at my top 10 favorite nerds in film!

    10. Actor : Larry B. Scott
    : Lamar Latrell

    Revenge of the Nerds always shows up on a nerd list. To give it the respect is deserves I had to add it to mine but I made it number 10, because I wanted to focus more on a specific "nerd" character rather then a "nerd" film. So instead of looking at Gilbert Lowell or Louis Skolnick I wanted to focus on the character that I think is the most memorable which is Lamar Latrell.
    Lamar is a black, gay nerd. That is what is special about this character. Besides Steve Urkel there are not many black nerds. On top of that I cant think of another gay nerd from any film. So to combine all of these traits it really makes you remember the black nerd prancing around in women's clothing. Lamar almost seems politically incorrect and for that reason alone I love what the writers were able to accomplish.

    9. Actor : Doug McKeon
    : Jonathan Bellah

    Mischief is a film that came out in 1985 that never was as popular as Porky's or Revenge of the Nerds. Although I personally think its a great film, you do not meet many people that have even heard of it. Doug McKeon plays Jonathan Bellah, your typically nerdy and shy character that longs for the same thing that every teenage boy regardless of social status wants....simply to get laid. Even with the help of his bad boy biker friend Gene Harbrough, he still is put in some very awkward situations because of his nerdiness. What is even better about this movie is that Noel Black (the writer) has said that this film is somewhat autobiographical, meaning that at least at one point in his life he was a nerd but went on to write a movie script that was bought and made, I'm sure he finally got laid for that.

    8. Actor : Dennis Christopher
    : Eddie Kaspbrak
    Even though a made for TV film, IT remains one of my favorite films today. When the idea for this column popped into my head I had a hard time coming up with 10 nerds that I thought were good enough to write about. Being stuck with around 7 or 8 candidates I called in my faithful best friend / fellow nerd Daris and he helped me out with the rest. For years we have quoted the nerdy sayings of Eddie Kaspbrak. Not only is he in his late 30's and still living at home with his mammy, he also admits that he has yet to be laid as a grown man. As if that's not enough to qualify as a nerd, as a boy he tried to fight a murdering, immortal clown with his asthma inhaler. "This is battery acid you slime!!!"

    7. Actor : Ira Heiden
    : William 'Will' Stanton

    Do I really have to say more then "Wizard Master?" In Nightmare on elm street 3 Will Staton could possibly be the biggest nerd of all time, but since the actor's career is utter shit I can't make him the number 1 nerd. Your a handicap geek in a wheelchair that is trying to battle Freddy Krueger, instead of thinking that you can turn into a wizard from Dungeons and Dragons...how about turning into a plane so you can get your ass away from Krueger, hell even a ball so you could roll away from him. I love watching the part where he gets killed over and over and over again because this guy is so nerdy that I actually hate him for it.

    6. Actor : Jon Cryer
    : Duckie (Phil Dale)

    When I talked to my wife about this column she immediately suggested Jon Cryer's Duckie, from Pretty in Pink. Having only seen parts of this film it was hard for me to write specifically about his character but from what my wife tells me, he is a bona fide nerd. Us fellow male nerds know all about the infamous "friend zone" that your best female friend always puts you in if your on the geek squad, and Duckie was stuck in that zone while he watched the woman of his dreams date the most popular and richest yuppie in school. He doesn't manage to get Andie at the end for a happy ending but he does manage to go to prom with Kristy Swanson, who I would say is much better!

    5. Actor : Corey Haim
    : Lucas

    To me Corey Feldman will always be a bigger nerd then Corey Haim, but Haim did have the nerdiest role out of the two with his Lucas character. Lucas longed for his best friend Maggie who we all know as Andy from The Goonies. Again Lucas is placed in the "friend zone" and even almost gets himself killed trying to be a jock football player because her boyfriend Cappie (Charlie Sheen) is the All American jock type that all of us nerds despise. Then in one scene he really blows it by trying to kiss a girl that's not interested in him and gets dissed like an idiot. When your classmates are saying this you know that your trying to be someone that your not, save yourself the pain and agony and realize that in real life nerds (except for Bill Gates) do not get the pretty girl.
    Ben: Did you hear about Lucas? It's suicide!
    Rena: What do you mean?
    Ben: He's gone out for the football team!

    4. Actor : Anthony Michael Hall
    : Gary Wallace

    I had a hard time again with this film. Gary and Wyatt are the two biggest nerds in school, however Gary stands out to me and overpowers Wyatt with his nerd power. You have two geek's that once again long for girlfriends. They create the perfect girl, beauty, brains and even magical powers. The noscars (nerd - oscars) should be handed out just for the fact that neither one ever bangs Kelly LeBrock (in the film as Lisa) which was one of the hottest women in the 80's hands down. Also it takes them the entire movie to score with two average looking women when they have the power to create as many beautiful women as their hearts desire that will be at their beck and call.

    3. Actor : Stephen Root
    : Milton Waddams

    I hate even making fun of this guy because I feel so sorry for this poor character. Stephen Root is wonderful and really makes you feel Milton's pain in the always hysterical classic, Office Space. His nerdy antics are capitalized with his freak out over his stapler...."they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire..." Poor guy if only he would have had someone hip in his life.

    2. Actor : Chris Owen
    : Chuck Sherman / The Sherminator

    1st and 2nd place were CLOSE....so close that even cyber space couldn't fit in between the two. I thought long and hard about it and I think that Chris Owen's The Sherminator from American Pie is probably the nerdiest character of the 1990's but everybody loses the crown at some point. The Sherminator which comes from his name Chuck Sherman and his pathetic "Terminator" style pick-up lines is just a mega geek who is trying like everyone else to get laid. When he finally scores with the hottest lady from their school his line goes
    Sherman : I'm.....the Shermanator...a sophisticated sex robot sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady.
    Nadia : I am lucky lady?
    Sherman : That's right Nadia, you have been targeted for Shermination. Come with me if you want to live!
    Nadia : Fuck Me Geek !!!!!
    Guys like this is what gives meaning to the title GEEK, please.. please..please if your a nerd come up with a better gimmick!

    1. Actor : Christopher Mintz-Plasse
    : Fogell / McLovin

    Fogell from Superbad exemplifies what a nerd is all about. Its not a specific trait such as an avid Star Wars geek or something its just his look that is so down pat. Guys that "blow it" a lot to me symbolize a nerd. By "blowing it" I mean just all of the time making stupid mistakes because they are so nerdy that they are about 5 years behind everyone else their age with sexual experiences and dating. Such as the famous McLovin drivers license, you know the Irish R&B singer.......a stupid error that only a nerd would do, just because he has never been around any cool people to teach him how to do "bad" things correctly. Before this film came out 1st place would have went to The Sherminator for sure, but times change and right now Fogell takes the cake. I like him so much that you know I had to make my own McLovin ID.........

    The Ending:

    You know being a nerd really isn't a bad thing as long as you can admit it to yourself and laugh at your nerdy antics. Some people might not have the same idea of a nerd as I do but usually when you don't agree that something is nerdy its because you do it and don't want to think of yourself as a geekster.
    DJ Qualls (click) as Kyle Edwards from Road Trip
    Anthony Michael Hall (click) as Brian Ralph Johnson from The Breakfast Club
    Val Kilmer(click) as Chris Knight from Real Genius

    You've been great, I've been Tim Malcolm......see ya next time!

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    Apr 2, 2015 10:54 AM
    [X] delete
    I liked killer nerd and bride of killer nerd.

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    Tim Malcolm
    Tim Malcolm got his first job at a movie theater in 1996 working as a projectionist. He quickly learned that there was no better job then getting paid to watch movies. Since then he has been an advid film watcher, collector, critic and writer.

    If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Tim Malcolm by clicking here.

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