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2009 will be just fine!
by Xavier Jones-Barlow

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Gossip. Not Good.

Gossip. Not Good.
I am not one for rumour, speculation and gossip. I realise that you are going to have to take my word for it since I am about to go against my conviction and simply submit myself to fragile imagination and in advised guesswork. But what the hell, I have had a hell of a lot of fun researching this and I refuse to let anybody to goad me into admitting that it is any way petty, childish or geeky. Because I know that it is. The wealth of information that is available is immense. I could probably spend all year going through it all with a fine fish tooth comb, but I won't. This is simply a run-down of, in my humble opinion, what I will be looking forward to in roughly a year's time. 2009 has the potential to be fine, forgive me if I wet myself while writing this. This will include projects that have already got off the ground and have gone into pre-production. Some may still be wallowing in a development dungeons and others; I hate to admit may become casualties of the writers strike. Also, in advance warning, I would like to state that the bracket( ) is like the literary form of the strobe light. So if you are sensitive to such things, look away now.

Comics

A genre in its own right, the trend for comic book adaptations appears to be gaining momentum as opposed to waning. Those who cannot appreciate this are advised to just give in and go with the flow. On the cards for '09 are; CAPTAIN AMERICA, my least favourite superhero gets a much needed re-dux. Will Marvel still be shooting the shields? DAN DARE, Britain's second most popular comic hero may just get a big screen outing. I predict that it may be the smellier side of pants. ASTROBOY, something for the younger audience perhaps. LUKE CAGE, Marvels anti-hero will no doubt not beat the opposition to the belfry. MAGNETO & WOLVERINE, the triple whammy franchise had to produce some spin-offs, fortunately not in the form of a T.V. series (Hmmm ???) SHAZAAM! The almost ludicrous DC offering may just have the punch for a huge summer blockbuster. SILVER SURFER, another spin-off, of sorts. TEEN TITANS, DC's opportunity to reinvent a superior big screen realisation of the boy wonder? THOR, will the Norse head honcho be welcome to thunderous applause? Again, with most comic films, scripts get changed and reshuffled at the last minute, projects get scrapped (notably because the material is rubbish) and there will always be one hero to pack the biggest punch. I believe that SUPERMAN is due to 'return' at about this time.

Computer Games

In addition to the above, computer games are finding their way to the movies in a more ready fashion than the reverse, AKIRA, an animation classic in it's own right appears to be set for a live action remake. CASTLEVANIA, an old classic, which if it follows the format of the game, should prove to be a mightily pants movie. GEARS OF WAR, the first great game
Not Surprisingly, I Find Both Quite Tasty

Not Surprisingly, I Find Both Quite Tasty
of the 'Next-Gen' console gets a film version, now if the CGI is as good as the game then...offt! HALO, believe it or not, rumour has it that scenes have already been created for the X-Box flagship crossover. Yet the project is still without a director. How does that work! TEKKEN, finally! One of the best one-on-one games ever will be subjected to a shoddy plot, over acting and bonkers use of dance choreography! Hurrah!

Books

THE LOVELY BONES, is possibly the film that fills me with so much excitement on this list. Alice Seebold's tragedy will see the light of day under the competent eye(s) of Peter Jackson. Please mister, don't screw it up for me! ALL FAMILIES ARE PSYCHOTIC will finally see a piece of work from my favourite author on the silver screen. This kooky tale I can envisage, Coupland's humour, irony and mud-level observations may prove to be trickier. LIFE OF PI, THE 39 STEPS, THE ALCHEMIST and AMERICAN PASTORAL are other best-sellers that seem to be set for global, non-reading cinema goers. Together with the very moving and most brilliant BIRDSONG by Sebastian Faulks (I see Oscars already) and POMPEII by Robert Harris (the screenplay is, unusually written by the author). These are just the ones I have read, Jodi Picoult's MY SISTERS KEEPER (bleargh!) and THE KITE RUNNER's scribe gets a follow up with A THOUSAND SPLENDID SUNS. Again, I have to stress, although this is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg, all are not definite and certainly not all of them will be any good.

Kids

The film industry tends to keep its real money spinners either tightly under wraps, or they are so obvious they pass me by. Some that stand out include;THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX, FRAGGLE ROCK: THE MOVIE (yay! It is about time the Henson studio's came up with a sure fire winner), G.I. JOE (well it had to happen at some point), HANNAH MONTANA and MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE (Yes a remake, yes a cartoon adaptation but something deep down inside of me simply cannot wait.) Also, if all goes to plan, we should see the final HARRY POTTER wizard its way to us.

T.V.

The 1980's feature heavily in this category; C.H.I.P.S. will see Wilmer Whatshisface (Fez, from 'That 70's Show) take a much needed lead role. Brit Sci-Fi-Drama THE TRIPODS, will get the Hollywood once over (again, Yay!) and it remains to be seen if the great 'tached one will reprise his part of MAGNUM P.I. If Ford can do Indy, then why the hell not!!!

The Brit's!

I am not even going to mention the rumoured third part of the 'Blood and Ice-Cream' trilogy from you-know-who but, ALAN PARTRIDGE: THE MOVIE will definitely be a hit over here. Steeve Coogan has left it for just the right amount of time...

Comedy

ALEXANDER THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY, who knows what this is about, but the title smacks of parody. HOWARD STERN'S PORKY'S could be a riot and RIPLEYS
The Same, But Bumpier

The Same, But Bumpier
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, set to star Jim Carrey and will include Spike Jonze directing, may be the one to look out for. Again, another genre where anything can happen, I don't think anybody saw KNOCKED UP coming, and I thought that was hilarious.

IMAX

Rumours about the STAR WARS franchise to get another dust off, but in 3-D glory will no doubt swell in the next year. In the meantime ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT and GODZILLA look likely to be jumping out a screen near someone you know this year.

Remakes

Why? Why?! WHY!!! And do not say it is because the writer's want more pay, that's bollocks. I cannot think of why BARBARELLA, THE EVIL DEAD (penned by Raimi, but with fresh direction), THE BIRDS (with Naomi Watts), CHILD'S PLAY, CONAN THE BARBARIAN and DEATH WISH need to be redone. If it ain't broke...! However another interpretation of A CHRISTMAS CAROL with Robert Zemeckis at the helm could just be an enjoyable addition to the Dickens list. (At this point, I would like to ask; is CHRISTMAS CAROL or OLIVER the most filmed piece of literature? Surely...!)

Sequels

As with the remakes an inevitable amount of sequelladge will bombard us, begging for our money. 2009's cinemas will be clogged with the likes of; SPIDERMAN 4 (with or without Raimi, Maguire and Dunst), BEVERLY HILLS COP 4 (well, if Indy, Rambo and McClane will insist...), FINAL DESTINATION 4, GHOST RIDER 2, THE GRUDGE 3, ICE AGE 3, PINK PANTHER 2, POINT BREAK 2 (eh?!), PULSE 2, RAGING BULL 2 (wha...?!), SIN CITY 2&3 (looks like they will be filmed back-to-back, a la PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN), TERMINATOR 4, TRANSFORMERS 2, TRANSPORTER 3 and UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS are just a few of the titles to be diverting our attention away from originality. Shame.

Interesting Titles

Furthermore there are a few titles that caught my eye just for the sheer hell of it, firstly, BURLESQUE but that is obviously because I need to be neutered. THE GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST, with Jennifer Garner is already in post production according to some sources but still set for a 09 release?

Most bizarrely and perhaps most worryingly there is a film listed as in production named MEIN KAMPF. Does this mean that Adolf Hitler's anti-semitic, pro Aryan, prison scribed opus is set to be made into a film? Now that is interesting. Also in production there appears to be at least two biopics charting the life of Albert Einstein, every now and then you have to allow film to educate as well as entertain.

So there you go. I'm sure there are films you are looking forward to this year, or even, dare I suggest, next week. I just hope that I have given you all something to think and talk about. I will get round to summarizing 2007, but sometime in February I feel. In the meantime, POINT BREAK 2. Isaywhatnow!!!



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Xavier's Book Club
Every other Saturday

Xavier analyses film, literary. A bizarre melding of books and movies.


Other Columns
Other columns by Xavier Jones-Barlow:

My Month As A Teenage Girl

Mr Jones and the Shame of the Spolier Scolls

Fragment: Consider Revising.

Proof Reading The Movies #1

The Cinematic Chicken And The Literary Egg

All Columns


Xavier Jones-Barlow
Xavier lives in Scotland where it is very cold. He spends his time writing about live bands and people dreamt up in his bizarre imagination. Quite huggable .



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If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Xavier Jones-Barlow by clicking here.


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