I'll put myself in distress if HE'S going to come save me! |
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We all have it. Don't deny it--you do, too. You may not have printed and laminated it a la Ross Gellar, but filed somewhere in the Rolodex of your mind is The List. The Top Five Celebs You Can Sleep With and Your Partner Can't Say Anything About It. Or perhaps more realistically titled: Your Top Five Celeb Crushes.
Now, I only have three people in my Top Five, so I'm taking applications for the next two spots. This particular column will be all about men. You'll have to stay tuned--I'll eventually be talking about the women! For the purposes of this column, we'll limit our celebrities to actors only. And actors that are still alive. Otherwise, Cary Grant would be up there, no question. (Impeccably dressed, charming, dashing, debonair...what woman wouldn't be swept off her feet?)
Before I start weighing my options, we'll discuss those already on my list. It's important that you get an idea of my type. Do they need to be drop-dead gorgeous? On People's Sexiest Man Alive list? Look good in a loincloth? Hardly. They need to be spectacular at their craft...intelligent, above all else...and, um...maybe have an accent. Hey--I'm human! (My girlhood crushes, in case you were dying to know, were Matthew Broderick, Josh Brolin, Kirk Cameron, and Michael Schoeffling. A true child of the 80s, I guess!)
Cillian Murphy is a relative newcomer to My List, but quickly worked his way to the top spot with quirky and/or intelligent flicks like THE WIND THAT SHAKES THE BARLEY, BREAKFAST ON PLUTO, and INTERMISSION, among many others. He is one of those rare, amazing actors who completely transform every ounce of themselves into the character they're playing, with seemingly minimal effort. Each one of his characters is different than the last, and I love that. Everyone loves to talk about his eyes--and so do I, I'll admit. How can you not? Clear and 
Melting hearts worldwide with The Look. |
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blue as a Guamanian sea--you could get lost gazing into them. And I do. But what I like most about those eyes are the emotions clearly portrayed through them. If you want to know what his character's feeling or thinking, one glance into his eyes will tell you. That, and his jawline. He's got some of the best "jaw-acting" I've seen around! (Seriously. Check out DISCO PIGS. And listen to him sing "So New", a song he actually wrote. *le sigh*)
Kevin Spacey has been on my list for almost 10 years now. People give me the strangest looks when I tell them that. But the guy is amazing at what he does! The first movie of his that I remember seeing was SE7EN. Not exactly something that made me say, "Wow. He's hot!" Just like Cilly, he embodies the characters he's playing, on stage or screen. Actor, director, singer, producer, Tony and Academy Award winner...he does it all. And he's the artistic director of the Old Vic in my favourite city, London. (Yeah, that gave him a few extra points.) Not only is he a renaissance man, but he's got a sexiness about him that I find irresistible. His lips, puppy-dog eyes, and deep voice...? Yeah...
Now for Number Three!!! Ralph Fiennes! (But first, a little lesson. As he is British, his name is pronounced "Rafe", not the American "Ralph".) Intelligence just exudes from him, especially those eyes...and those sooty lashes... Another Tony award winner and Oscar nominee, he's a chameleon and so believable in whatever he's doing. (Who else could play Lord Voldemort?) Like Mr. Spacey, the first movie I saw Ralph Fiennes in wasn't one that made me take note and put him on my list: SCHINDLER'S LIST. Yes, he played Amon Goeth, quite spectacularly. One of my favourites of his, however, is OSCAR AND LUCINDA--another one you need to put in your queue!
Now we can get on with it! I had to think for a while 
Do the eyes have it...? |
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before compiling my list. I'm not attracted to the same kinds of men that a lot of women seem to be. But I wanted to put every "type" of potential Listers. So, let's start with some of the obvious: Brad Pitt. George Clooney. Matthew McConaughey. Denzel Washington. Russell Crowe. Sean Connery. Each with their own charm, but...nah.
Another obvious one: Johnny Depp. But he's Grandmama's boyfriend, and I just can't do that to family. Same goes for Viggo Mortensen, Val Kilmer, Tom Selleck, and Jimmy Smits, as they're for Mom.
Now we're getting down to it...the real possibilities! Tobey Maguire, Jake Gyllenhaal, Luke Wilson, Jude Law, Patrick Dempsey, Daniel Dae Kim, Christian Bale, Taye Diggs, Tom Hanks, Colin Firth, Gary Dourdan.
And since the Scottish accent is the dead sexiest ever: Billy Boyd, Alan Cumming, John Hannah, James McAvoy, Ewan McGregor. These are the boys that really could read the phone book and turn me on.
How is a girl to choose?!
I think I can narrow it down a bit more, merely based on who I'm more attracted to!
Colin Firth: Curly dark hair? Check. The Look? Master of it. Non-American accent? Check. Not Scottish, but a little south of the border...close enough! Plus, he's the World's Greatest Mr. Darcy, whether he likes it or not.
Patrick Dempsey: You know you loved him from the moment he performed the African Anteater Ritual! Dark curly hair, beautiful eyes...all that's missing is the accent.
Jake Gyllenhaal: Is "yummy" a good enough reason? I just can't quit him.
John Hannah: Simply because he has the thickest of Scottish accents. And really...when it comes down to it, that's what does it for me.
I refuse to make this decision, though. You'll have to do it for me.
Guys--I'd love to hear your list! I'll need some advice when I'm ready to write the Female Version!
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| Cannon Fodder |
Every other Thursday
Stream-of-conscious ruminations on whatever pops into Christa's head.
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| Christa Cannon |
Christa would prefer to live in a world where everyone breaks out into song and dance. Um, and also one in which she is rich and very famous.
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