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Hell is Chrome
by Jeff Thiessen

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At least one of them offed themselves.

At least one of them offed themselves.
After the Sex Pistols left the stage, following their final concert, Johnny Rotten snarled into the microphone, and asked the audience if they'd ever felt like they'd been cheated, thus owning up to the scam, although I'm not entirely convinced it was as calculated as Mr.Lydon and co. would have us believe.

For the record, I've never felt cheated by The Sex Pistols, I believe that it takes at some point a premeditated sham can take so much effort, it can transcend the wraithlike qualities that initially propelled the whole thing, and morph into something entirely independent of all the pompous deliberateness that got it started in the first place.

With that said, there is nothing worse then the feeling of feeling legitimately cheated in every sense of the word. You know it's one thing to eagerly anticipate something and be let down, in fact that might even be your fault. It's totally possible your hopes were too high, or even in the wrong place. In those cases, it still sucks, but there's usually a lesson to be learned. However, it's something else entirely, when that anticipation is still there, but after finally experiencing this event you have been yearning to be a part of, you walk away feeling like there's something missing, and not only that.....but something is missing in the most planned scheme possible. You don't exactly hear the proprietors cackling as you leave the theater, but even if you did, that would only confirm what you already know. You've been had.

It's such a violation to be used for the profit of others, and folks, that's EXACTLY what HOSTEL PART II
Proof that the American Dream is dead and kickin.

Proof that the American Dream is dead and kickin.
accomplishes with immaculate aplomb. To say this movie represents everything wrong with film isn't enough, it represents everything wrong in the entire world. To be clear, I loved the first one. I thought it was a groovy deathtrip that boasted some genuinely fresh bloodshed, but also gave us tension and a genuine concern for the characters. It wasn't the most brilliant thing in the world, but I had fun, and I'm basically at the point now where that's sufficient for me.

HOSTEL PART II is such wretched, uninspired garbage; I almost don't know where to start. Ok, if you're going to insist on giving me a sequel, if you deem it absolutely necessary to continue a story that already ended adequately two years ago, then you gotta show me something different. Make no mistake about it, this is a cookie-cutter version of the original that is so incredibly soulless, it's not a stretch to think that Roth used the script from the first one, and just edited certain parts. Um, changing the genders of the main characters isn't a reason to make a sequel, it's just the first one with tit camouflage.

There is not one redeeming quality to this movie, and I find it literally impossible to debate which of the two HOSTEL movies is better, because essentially one is just a remake. It's like if Joe Cocker covered his own "Woman to Woman" song a few years later after the original recording. Would there be a few superficial differences present? Probably. Would there be anything for us to compare and contrast? Well no, where could that possibly go?

I've had people commend the amount of gore in Part II,
I hate anyone who likes this show.

I hate anyone who likes this show.
as superior to the first one. Wow. First of all, that's debatable. Secondly, I'm at a point in my life where bloodshed for the sake of bloodshed doesn't do it for me anymore, especially when I have a strong sense of déjà vu the entire time. This movie has no character development, no interesting plot twists that separate it from the first one, certainly nothing astounding about the ending. It's just showing us three girls getting tortured. That's it, once you strip everything else apart from it, all the shameless promotion and ridiculously inaccurate advertising ("the most shocking ending in horror history" my ass) it's just one big excuse to show a play-it-by-numbers torture show.

I wasn't exaggerating when I said I believe it represents everything wrong in this world. Not just because of the utterly pointless depravity, justified by nothing worthwhile throughout the course of the movie, but because this is capitalism at its absolute worst, or best depending on how you look at it. HOSTEL PART II is a remix, and that's being kind. After the movie I wanted to do something, anything life-affirming, feeling like I was just part of one big hoax, totally at my expense, providing nothing of value, not even a well thought-out scam. If you're going to bend us over, fine, but at least don't do it halfheartedly. Keep at it, and maybe something valuable will emerge. The Sex Pistols are proof of that. Roth is in and out so quick, we don't even know what's happening before he's running out to the bank before it closes.

Eli Roth's ambition is to have ambition, and he has nothing to show for his dreams

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Anti-Hero: Knowledge that Leads to Everlasting Life
Every other Wednesday

Raging Against the Machine: Film musings from a Canadian who can do a Rubik's cube much faster then you can.


Other Columns
Other columns by Jeff Thiessen:

Wednesday Wishful Thinking

Searching With One Eye Closed

He's a Mighty Good Leader

Paging Dr.Octagon....

Your Pretty Trilogy is Going Straight to Hell

All Columns


Jeff Thiessen
Jeff is a columnist who lives in Saskatchewan, and if you can't pronounce that properly, he'd prefer you not read anything he writes.


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If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Jeff Thiessen by clicking here.


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