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Searching With One Eye Closed
by Jeff Thiessen

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Real life: The only sound he'd be hearing would be sirens

Real life: The only sound he'd be hearing would be sirens
"Why can't more guys be like Lloyd Dobler?"

-My girlfriend two nights ago while watching SAY ANYTHING

While I am issuing this particular quote to the ol ball and chain, it's something I've heard many a times over the years. I really cannot count the number of times I've heard girls proclaim John Cusack's character as perfection personified, basically the kind of guy every girl in the world would love to be with.

For the record, I think all of that is total bullshit.

If you haven't seen the movie, well you're obviously a cinematic idiot, but I'll still help you out and tell you a little bit about the character. Lloyd is a hopeless romantic, a guy who loves life despite having no direction, and also someone who sees nothing wrong with being spontaneously happy. He's also particularly fond of the grand romantic gesture, and that's kinda where I think he works in theory, but not in application.

I guess what I'm trying to say is some of the antics Lloyd does, as well as other protagonists in similarly themed movies, are spectacularly dramatic on the silver screen, but if tried in real life, would merely be labeled as creepy, or even worse, introduce the
The 11th thing I hated about this movie

The 11th thing I hated about this movie
person attempting them to Mr. Pepper Spray.

To throw out a few examples out there, I'm talking about the scene in SAY ANYTHING when he stands outside her window at like 1 A.M. blasting Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes", the song they first banged to. I'm also talking about Heath Ledger impromptu singing from the bleachers, or any of the shit that Jonathan Tucker pulls in 100 GIRLS.

These moves piss me off, because girls eat that stuff up when they see it in the multiplex, but let it be known, that if any average joe attempted any of that ridiculousness while trying to court those same girls, it would result in nothing except total and utter humiliation. Folks, we're living in an age of aloofness, an era where subtlety is praised and forwardness shunned. Where text messages are easily the preferred method of communication when compared with actual human-to-human contact. We live in a culture that is afraid to use the term 'dating', so instead we have countless grey areas that perpetuate the relationship world.

All of this amounts to one thing: outward passionate gestures are NOT welcome anymore, and want to know how I know that? Because you girls don't
Going around sniffing panties?  Yeah, that's charming.

Going around sniffing panties? Yeah, that's charming.
shut up about it! Sure it looks terrific when Hugh Grant quotes Partidge Family when professing his love (after mere days of knowing her mind you) to Andie MacDowell, but throughout all my twenty-four years, I have heard countless examples of girls referring to that sort of behavior as 'creepy', and 'awkward'. Rarely are these acts of bravery seen as just that, instead they're seen as moves made by a desperate loser.

Of course I'm not saying every single girl is the same, but what I am saying, is I really wish the female audience would stop commending a fictional character who only succeeds because the script allows him to. That is to say, get your heads out of your asses and either a) Call those movie characters creepy, like you would to a real guy if he tried these bombastic maneuvers or b) Don't knock a real dude when he tries that shit. Don't knock them, because you know what, they might have seen a movie with you once while you were whimsically wishing that there "really were guys like that".

Life is the ultimate experience, and if you want to see grandiloquent actions in film but small, chickenshit ones in real life, well girls, you got it all backwards.

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Anti-Hero: Knowledge that Leads to Everlasting Life
Every other Wednesday

Raging Against the Machine: Film musings from a Canadian who can do a Rubik's cube much faster then you can.

Other Columns
Other columns by Jeff Thiessen:

Wednesday Wishful Thinking

Hell is Chrome

He's a Mighty Good Leader

Paging Dr.Octagon....

Your Pretty Trilogy is Going Straight to Hell

All Columns

Jeff Thiessen
Jeff is a columnist who lives in Saskatchewan, and if you can't pronounce that properly, he'd prefer you not read anything he writes.

If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Jeff Thiessen by clicking here.

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