Or at least they should wash their hands before supper. |
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On a dark, rain-slicked street, on the evening of the fourth of April, a drunk driver crossed over the double yellow lines and killed Bob Clark and his 22 year-old son. I can already hear a chorus of voices asking, "Who the hell is Bob Clark?" And that is why I am writing this column. I really wanted to say a few words on the man for my last column, but there just wasn't enough time to do it right, and the last thing in the world I would want to do is half-step a column about such a great, and virtually unknown, director.
Now, when I say he was unknown, I don't mean his films are. In fact, all of you reading this know more of his films than you realize. I meant the man himself was unknown. The heyday of his career was not one of fame for the man in the director's chair. In today's digital age, curious filmgoers have all the information they need about a movie right at their fingertips. But back then, you had to be a hardcore geek and sift it out. And Clark was just never one for the spotlight.
I don't know much about what IMDB.com lists as his first two films, 1966's THE EMPEROR'S NEW CLOTHES and 1967's SHE-MAN, other than that they both seem to be about cross-dressing soldiers: the former a Klinger from MASH sort of thing, the latter a soldier being blackmailed by a "violent transvestite, and forced to take estrogen and wear lingerie. Maybe Bob had some issues in his youth? I'll have to seek those two out and get back to you.
His next film, which most people think is his first, is somewhat of a classic amongst the true-blue horror crowd, 1972's CHILDREN SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS. I was resistant to this film for a very long time, and in fact only re-watched it for the purposes of mentioning it in this column. But a funny thing happened when I did: after choking through the silly first hour, the film changes gears and becomes rampant zombie mayhem! I have spent many years bashing this film, mainly due to Alan Ormsby's hideous emoting, as well as the rest of the cast's wooden deliveries, only to discover that I just needed more patience. If you choose to stick it out as well, which I highly advise, the rewards are rich and plentiful.
Clark's next two films were in the horror genre as well. 1974's DEAD OF NIGHT, which has gone by as many titles as Prince (currently reissued by Blue Horizon under the name DEATHDREAM), is a genuinely creepy take on The Monkey's Paw. The film opens with Andy Brooks being killed by enemy fire in a Vietnamese jungle. It then cuts to his family getting the 
This might be the most strikingly awful poster for a film I have ever seen. |
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dreaded letter, and mom going upstairs and parking her cheeks in his rocking chair, chanting over and over again for it to be a mistake, for her boy to come home. Which he does. Much to everyone's chagrin. Especially the people (and animals) he begins killing. There are no real surprises in the film, for those of you familiar with the source tale, but its sense of suspense and interesting camera work, not to mention its allegory to the ravages war can play on the psyche of a soldier, show Clark to be more than just another horror hack, but a director on the rise.
Clark's next, and last, horror film is the cult classic BLACK CHRISTMAS (also released in 1974). What, you didn't know the recent Morgan/Wong assfest was a remake? Yeah, neither did the jackhole at Hollywood Video, when I tried to rent it, and couldn't (thankfully I Netflix). But I digress. BLACK CHRISTMAS absolutely lives up to its hype, and is uncomfortably effective. It is widely held to be the film to kick off the American slasher film boom (which is funny, since by this point he was living in Canada) and was certainly the first film where you never saw the killer. You heard him, Billy, when he was making incredibly unnerving prank calls to the sorority girls he spends the film tormenting, but all the kills are POV shots, and the occasionally shadow or profile. In fact, no actor was actually cast as Billy. Clark, Nick Mancuso, and some chick all provided the phone voices, and Billy's hands in the kill scenes are actually those of the cameraman. I highly suggest that you make this one a Yuletide tradition.
As I said, Clark then stepped away from horror. He was quite frank about never wanting to be a "horror guy," but just seeing that genre as a good way of making a name for himself in the business. Normally something like that would burn my toast, but whatever his reasoning was, he made some damn fine horror films. So, no harm, no foul.
The rest of his career is rather bumpy. He made two pet projects, but mostly he was a director for hire. Working on such instantly forgettable crap as 1984's RHINESTONE (which I saw in the theater – hey, don't judge me – it did have Tim Thomerson, at least) and 1999's BABY GENIUSES. But he also turned out 1985's TURK 182, which I happened to like quite a bit. It has Robert Urich, an I can't believe he was ever that young Timothy Hutton, and the always pleasing Peter Boyle.
The last two films I want to discuss are the reason I said earlier that you knew more about the man than you thought. The first 
Careful kid, you'll shoot your eye out. |
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of those films is 1982's PORKY'S. On the surface, it seems like just another sophomoric T&A, boys will be boys film. But it isn't (actually, like BLACK CHRISTMAS, PORKY'S is believed to be the precursor to the slew of teen-sex-comedies of the 80's, that indeed carries on to this very day). The fact is, PORKY'S is mostly a memoir. Even though Clark was born in Louisiana, and later immigrated to Canada, he actually grew up in Florida, which is the setting for the movie. And somewhere amidst all the dick and fart jokes, the film sneaks in some commentary on racism and domestic abuse (while the equally fine sequel tackles the issue of censorship). It also featured Kim Catrall and Art Hindle, both actors Clark had worked with before (TURK 182 and BLACK CHRISTMAS, respectively). I always find repeat performers as a sign of the affability of the director. Like, he was such a pleasure to work with that they wanted to do it again (the aforementioned Alan Ormsby also scripted and did the SFX for DEAD OF NIGHT).
Lastly, we come to the big boy: 1983's A CHRISTMAS STORY. Now, you might not have seen any of his other films, but I know you've seen this one. TNT doesn't play it for 24 hours straight on Christmas for no reason. It easily supplants the more saccharine fare usually heaped upon us at that time of year. It's crass, it's real, and it has Darren McGavin.
Finally, mention should be made of the 1975 film that Clark executive produced, MOONRUNNERS. Mainly because that movie was the genesis for a little TV show called THE DUKES OF HAZARD. He also served as producer on the 2000 DOH TV movie, as well as being awarded a sizable settlement from a lawsuit against Warner Bros. Apparently when the cheeky devils bought the rights to MOONRUNNERS to make a television show, they did just that: bought the TV rights. So they were in violation when they tried to release the movie. Whoops! Bob Clark gotta get paid.
Clark's death is one of those cases where I really wish I had appreciated the man more while he was alive, and a reason why I am so happy to be able to write this column. If even one of you is inspired to check out some of his work, or at least to cast a more discerning eye the next time you re-watch something that you hadn't realized he'd done, well, then I guess my time here isn't totally wasted.
[NOTE: Apparently a PORKY'S remake is in the works, started before Clark's death, and with his involvement (shades of Douglas Adams/HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY) being produced by, drum roll please, Howard Stern.]
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| Agent Provocateur |
Every other Sunday
Eating the flesh of lesser film geeks since '72.
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| Zombie Boy |
Zombie Boy is not a Hollywood insider, just a movie
geek with a big mouth and a strong desire to spew
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