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Kid's Movies and Adult Critics Don't Mix
by Jeff Winston

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Our thumbs are up, but up what is for you to decide.

Our thumbs are up, but up what is for you to decide.
There are many things that drive me nuts, but one of my biggest pet peeves is when children's movies are ranked in the same league as other movies. I don't think I've ever turned on Ebert and Roeper and seen them give a "thumbs up" to a children's movie. It's not because the movies aren't good, it's because the movies are not made for their age group and they've got their thumbs stuck up an area of the body most people don't see.

Now, based on my last paragraph I am not suggesting that all kid's movies are good movies. There are some kid's movies out here that even bored the kids watching them to tears, much less the adults who took their kids to see it. We would likely call these bad movies, but unless the distributors are total morons, we don't see many of these, as a bad kid's movie will not sell. If one of these movies happens to be released and kids and adults alike agree that the film was crap, well then let's just call a cigar a cigar and agree that the film is crap. Simple.

Then you have the other kinds of kid's movies. The ones where the kids are entertained, they are into it, and for the most part they think it was a good movie while the parents are bored to tears. To all the critics out there who are giving no thumbs, or stars, or simply trash the movie in general,
Most Parents hated this film. ALL WELL!

Most Parents hated this film. ALL WELL!
let me scream out this point for you "THESE MOVIES ARENT MADE FOR ADULTS NUMNUTS!!!!!!"

Sometimes I sit up in my room and ponder the mysteries of the Universe like who made the pyramids, how do they get the Caramilk in the Caramilk bar, and why do they call them kid's movies. I'm being sarcastic of course as we all know aliens made the pyramids, the Caramilk appears by magic, and kids movies are made to entertain the parents.

Back to reality now, a kid's movie is (oddly enough) appropriately named. The very genre insinuates that most adults are not going to get much out of these films as the plot is going to be simplistic and hokey. What exactly are you expecting of a film that is designed to pacify your children long enough for you to get eighty minutes of relaxation? Hey I feel for the fact that you had to spend 11 dollars on a piece of crap you wouldn't force Michael Jackson's pet monkey "Bubbles" to watch, that being said, if the movie succeeded in shutting your kids up long enough for you to just sit and relax, no matter how bad the movie was, that was a great investment was it not? Again I reiterate my point that these movies are not made for you are they?

The intent of kid's movies is drastically different from the intent of a movie geared for adults. Kid's movies
Most parents liked this movie. BONUS!

Most parents liked this movie. BONUS!
have to rely on simplicity when most adults crave complexity. Now, of course, you can make the argument that most movie goers do not in fact crave complexity and that they are a slave to shelling out bucks on the Hollywood formula, but we don't need to argue this point. We just need to make the distinction between a simple movie and non simple movie. Simple movies are for kids. The characters are very static, the good guy always wins, and there's lots of easy to follow action. A non simple movie has good character development, some interesting plot twists and just maybe the good guy loses.

There are some kid's movies that succeed in entertaining both kids and adults, well good for them, job well done. They've pulled off a true achievement, and should be commended for it. Adults may now have the added bonus of enjoying a movie they chose to subject themselves to in the first place. Parents don't complain about the kid's rides at Disney World being "no fun" for them, the same should be said of kid's movies.

So to all the critics out there who rip apart a cartoon and go into expositions on the weaknesses of the plot, cinematography, and about the lack of complexity, I have only one thing to say, you're more of a moron than Britney Spears and Michael Jackson and George W. Bush combined.

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Mouthing Off
Every other Thursday

Mouthing Off is the no bull, tell it like it is column on various issues in the Hollywood arena. You want PC, then keep on moving, you won't get it here.

Other Columns
Other columns by Jeff Winston:

The Money Pitt

Movies of South Korea

I Vant to Suck your Blud

Aren't Getting Their Due

Finally Getting Their Due - Underrated Actors

All Columns

Jeff Winston
I am a part time writer and full time teacher. I am currently stationed in the middle of nowhere, northern Alberta, Canada. I love movies, and I love to vent, I am happy to have an outlet to incorporate both here on Matchflick.

If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Jeff Winston by clicking here.

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