You're doomed if you get into film! DOOOOMED!!! |
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As first albums are usually self-titled, so too is my first column here. In the coming months, I plan on sharing everything I know, and some things I don't, about how to understand, prepare, and ultimately make a movie. For the most part, I will be coming from the low-budget angle, since that's what I have experience with. Also, studios have enough money to throw at solutions instead of going in with a good plan, or, failing that, the ability to market something terrible. When someday this column is finished, years down the road, when film is irrelevant and everyone is holo-chatting about how DANCE DANCE QUAKE VICE CITY is almost as cool as GUITAR HERO 14, you will hopefully have plenty to think about before sinking thousands of dollars and months of time into something that you don't get a do-over on.
There will be genre breakdowns, analysis, and overviews. What elements do horror and comedy share? What makes a holiday film tug at non-denominational heart strings? Why does gunplay not a crime movie make? Why do PIXAR movies resonate far better than most family films over the last decade or so? Is there an idea for a romantic comedy that hasn't been covered, and should it? If you're going to write a genre, understand what has worked. Take it apart and look at all the bits like an entertainment autopsy. Craftsmen don't make masterpieces out of hunches and educated guesses. The knowledge of these parts will be vital to looking at what you're doing, and what an audience will think it's missing.
The script is the blueprint for your movie, so you're going to need to get that into shape. How much needs to go into it? How do you pace it? How do you plan for production issue? How do you write for your budget, or write your way out of it? What is the perfect ending for your story? Why does nobody respond to the cool characters you've written, when you know how damn awesome they're going to be?!? How many settings do you have? How many characters? Do you need more or less of each? Can you go over every page and moment and justify its existence? It's a lot easier to delete or rewrite a page than it is to cut something you spent two days shooting, so catch it early.
On the set, there will be props. Lots of props. Cameras (viewer prop), lights (mood props), actors (meat props), effects (complicated props), coffee (fuel props), storyboards 
If you can afford this, you can afford someone to run it. |
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and shot lists (reference props), and more. They're all props because they all need to be there, in the right place at the right time, being used for their intended purpose. Every single thing on set is just as important as the other, because as soon as one thing goes wrong it will stand out against every single thing you did right. Element by element you will become a prop master. Knowing every function on set makes your answers and directions that much easier for your props to function properly.
Post production is not the home stretch, no matter what anyone tells you. It is not a place to fix things that didn't go well on set. It isn't Mordor, but rather the formation of the Fellowship. It's unpacking the groceries before making Thanksgiving dinner and making sure you have everything you need to cook. It can go fast, it can go slow, it can make you wonder what you were thinking about any number of things where you thought you were soooo smart. This is where roughly 98% of directors (based on a wild guess) wind up turning to booze, drugs, despair, auto-asphyxia, and WORLD OF WARCARFT. Project after project every year get shelved until there's money for reshoots, or the technology catches up with what it will take to fix, or any other excuse that can be drummed up. If you can get here with enough coverage and minimal mistakes, you can work through it all.
Beyond the technical details, I'm going to share the occasional anecdote from my production experience. Some of them are funny, some frightening. Often there will be a lesson, but sometimes they're just here to remind you how fun and exciting it is to make movies. Despite much of the trouble I've encountered, fights, fires, freezing sets, I'd rather be doing this than anything else. If nobody ever saw a single thing I did, I would still want to make movies. I love every aspect of it, from the brainstorming sessions at a diner at 2AM after my sixth cup of coffee all the way through sitting around an apartment with a tape recorder and some beer, recording the audio commentary.
I guess this is a good place to let you know who I am, since I'll be the person behind all of the stuff you'll hopefully be reading. Many of you may be concerned that my opinion may not have merit on the topics I cover. That's good, because I don't want to make any solid rules. I want to give you 
I even breakdance. Without the cardboard I just look silly. |
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something to think about, have in mind, and either follow or reject my notions in favor of your own. That means a little more judgment and decision making goes into what you do.
I've put it off for another paragraph. I'm backed into a corner. Fine. I was born in Baltimore, and save for a year in New York, I've lived here my whole life. I've written, directed, acted, and done all sorts of various things on productions for others. The small sort of shoot where the sound guy is handling craft services while actors set lights, that's where you can really learn. I've been on big sets too, but that's the environment a person can get up to being a two pack a day smoker. Hurry up and wait, everything is covered, nothing is happening. I've done theater. Mainly acting, some set design, a little directing, tech crew (because I like wearing black), improve, writing, training. I'm into film, comics, television, books, collecting, karaoke, bowling, beer, concerts, history, the paranormal… well, just about everything can be entertaining or fascinating if you look at it right. Not tennis, though. I just don't get it.
To get away from the stuff I should be loading into a generic dating profile, here are some random facts about me, all true, some of which only get explained over drinks. I've lost an eardrum, broken an arm, had a bee wing in my eye, been on fire, lost more than a few fingernails, and stabbed my knuckle with an ice pick. You know that trick Bishop does in ALIENS? Practice. I've rolled, spun, crashed, and otherwise killed several cars, and took one apart with an axe and a crowbar. I've been in front of a crowd of thousands, but prefer a crowd of twelve. I've shot pictures, guns, arrows, paintballs, potatoes, and baskets. I've spent time in jail for a crime not committed. It was only one night, but the food really does suck. I've talked to enough famous people to see them as people rather than famous. The good ones tend to appreciate that. If your concern for my qualification is my experience, I have plenty. Some of it is just irrelevant.
So there's the intro. The sales pitch. The syllabus. The first day of class. The long winded overview. From here on out let's have some fun, put in the hours, make some movies, and maybe (just maybe) learn a little something about ourselves. I'll want to see what you've done as we go, so make me proud.
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| Make Me Proud |
Every other Monday
Exploring everything you should consider as you make your
indie masterpiece.
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| Patrick Storck |
Patrick hails from Baltimore, MD, where playing by the rules is frowned upon. Only average things come from playing it safe.
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| Contact |
If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Patrick Storck by clicking here.
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