Eliza. Date? |
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I would like to think that it is late 2009, you are backtracking on my articles as my talent and perspective have overcome the world and everybody is swooning at my breathtaking intellect. Perhaps maybe you have been reading my work for some time now, I envisage that the majority of these entries will focus mainly on my exploits while dating various beautiful women that feature in the biggest movies. I predict that Eliza Dushku, Anne Hathaway, Awesome Zara and Scarlett Johansson will be among these aforementioned beauties. As well as a plethora of ladies who will be blatantly too young for me.
Hello. I'm Xavier. I live in a dream world. Welcome to my column. This will be short and sweet, after all I do not want to overcome you. Yet.
Enough of the introductions. It has to be said that I have a few bones of contentions to get of my Steve Carrel-esque chest. I realise that this site is hosted on the left side of the Atlantic. I am aware that there is a large number of people that visit this site are North American. I am also fully versed in the various cultural differences that amuse and bemuse all of us on a regular basis. While my across the pond cousins may go to hospital to nurse a gunshot wound, I am more likely to pay the good doctors a visit because I have scalded my lips on a particularly hot cup of tea. Your culinary guilty pleasure may take the form of a double cheeseburger, 
Darkness. And why not! |
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while mine consists of animal intestine. Come to think of it that's not too dissimilar. You guys get to go to your local DVD rental store and hire out movies that only just been released in the cinema over here.
That's right. It's true. If you compare the movie top tens from North America and Europe you will see three titles the same. Six more have yet to be released over here. OK it is obvious why, money. You could argue that the big American production companies produce better work, therefore you can reap the fruits of your cinematic loins first. Although that really is just an argument. It is undeniable that more of my westerly orientated friends visit the cinema more and buy a hell of a lot more DVDs. Not very fair though. We like watching films too. I will have to tip my hat to the Lucas, Jackson and Raimi guys who insist on distributing their films at the same time the world over. It makes sense. No spoilers, international smugness and a marginal decrease in piracy.
Piracy is rife over here. Only today I was offered a copy of 300, I declined. As a Frank Miller and cinema fan I am going to wait until I can see it on the big dusty screen. I will admit, I have not been always so resilient and as a result I feel there are some films I have not witnessed the way they were supposed to be. My loss? Somebody, somewhere was losing something. On to international smugness. OK so a lot of you 
Nick Angel. Better than TJ Hooker. |
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guys have a bunch of movies I won't see for months. You will be posting reviews and I will be scratching my head looking lost. I will be paying money to get a numb ass while you can sit in your big houses watching the same film on your own over sized TVs. It does not matter though. You see, I have seen HOT FUZZ and you have not.
Every now and then Europe gets an AMELIE. Britain gets a TRAINSPOTTING and England gives birth to an Edgar Wright/Simon Pegg slab of comedy genius. You seen SHAUN OF THE DEAD? Or maybe you have caught the seminal TV series that was SPACED? Well the same team have a new offering that boasts the same snappy editing and clever humour. You may have seen the trailer, PC Angel is such a good Policeman (Cop) that he is shipped to a sleepy countryside village to stop making his colleagues look bad. All is, naturally, not what it seems. I just hope you 'get it'. Did I mention that I have seen it. Twice. I can only dream of a time when it will be a worldwide legal requirement to unleash films at the same time. In the meantime I will not be mean and spoil anything for you. You can look forward to seeing Nick Angel in action in just over a month. Suffice to say, the butler did it.
HOT FUZZ gets released in the U.S. on April 20th and in Canada April 30th. I would like to add that I will be really quite annoyed if I don't get to do the first review. Now, where was Scarlett's number?
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Every other Saturday
Xavier analyses film, literary. A bizarre melding of books and movies.
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| Xavier Jones-Barlow |
Xavier lives in Scotland where it is very cold. He spends his time writing about live bands and people dreamt up in his bizarre imagination. Quite huggable .
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