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Oscar Aftermath
by Jeff Winston

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WHen the length in hours equals my height in inches, then you can complain.

WHen the length in hours equals my height in inches, then you can complain.
As I strive to be different, and since I have now let every other columnist have a kick at the can, I would now like to make my commentary about the Oscars.

First off, let me say that I actually like to watch the Oscars. Some of my earliest memories are of sitting down, cheering for a movie I had some vague idea about, which is to say that I had seen the trailer MANY times on the many hours of television I watched daily. In my house the Oscar celebration was a family event, and again by family I mean me and my mom, because no one else actually gave a damn. I am a momma's boy what can I say, anything we could do together was cool by me.

Now, I like many people would hold a spirited competition with my mother, we'd keep score of who was right on their guesses and if it was me I'd get something like ten bucks to spend, and if she was right I generally had to clean a room. Oscar was truly a fun experience all around. Surprisingly, I still think that it is.

Now, the Oscars have gotten a bit of a bad rap over the last decade or so. The biggest complaint I hear is the length, yeah okay, it's long, so what. Most other shows run a repeat on the night of the Oscars so as not to compete with it, as it is the biggest watched awards show, if not show they run. So, there's nothing to watch on the tube anyway. Plus, it's Sunday, there's nothing good on on Sundays besides THE APPRENTICE, and even that show's gotten a bit dodgy. If you can sit yourself down in front of the tube for hours before the ceremony and watch people walk down a carpet in overpriced, over flashy, over revealing dresses as they smile those perfectly whitened teeth you can only get from thousands of dollars of dental dedication, to which no regular un famous peons like us can hope to attain (deep breath........) then you cant complain that the show is running too
Let's look at some more gay moments in western films shall we?

Let's look at some more gay moments in western films shall we?
long because they decided to throw in five interpretive dances on the best picture nominees.

Another bad rap is the hosting job. Oh man, this job gets about as many criticisms as Britney Spears on a night out with friends. I'm amazed anyone ever accepts the job anymore knowing how critical the media is of it. Billy did it pretty well, but after a few years his songs got tired, he was criticized and now he doesn't want the job. Whoopi did okay, but after a while her name was nothing more than an irony judging by the fact that no one got excited about this has been actress hosting them anymore. Even though he was bashed, I thought David Letterman did a great job in the late nineties, I never laughed so hard in all my life at some of the sketches he pulled. If you remember the "do you wanna buy a monkey" sketch, you should know what I'm talking about. John Stewart also did a great job last year, and I'm surprised he didn't return. Was it his choice or the producers? I never really heard anything about it.

Lastly Ellen. Ellen did a great job too. Perhaps the last couple of year's hosts may have paved the way for a reduction in the insults that usually go with the hosting duties. It's hard to host a show and get by without a total bashing form the critics, especially when your nominees are as dry as the last couple of years have been, but the last two hosts have pulled off what many have thought impossible, a decent show.

Surprisingly there is little that bothers me about the Oscars, save the fact that many of the award categories bore us to tears. It's not the length of the show, it's the fact that there are so many awards that we just don't care about. Its not PC to say that we think many of the categories should be moved to another non televised event, so we cop out and say that the show runs too lung and cut off the
Irony:  America accepting her as host when most don't accept her sexuality.

Irony: America accepting her as host when most don't accept her sexuality.
speeches of every award we don't give a crap about while Julia Roberts gets twenty-eight minutes if she happens to want them, because she has to stop every thirty seconds to regroup.

I just think the critics should say what they mean. They think the hosts are boring and tell crappy jokes, yet they ignore the fact that the censors have restricted them so much after mistakes from the previous year's hosts, that they are afraid of saying the word "crap" for fear of offending anyone. I mean, this is the same awards show that changed the line "AND THE WINNER IS" to "AND THE AWARD GOES TO" because the original way insinuated that the ones who didn't get the award were losers. You know what they ARE losers. They lost the award to someone else, so they are losers. Being a loser can sometimes just mean you lost something, or failed to win it.

They think the show is too long then they should just come right out and say that there are just too many awards and they are going to trim the field down. But, they won't do that, so they have to keep on picking on acceptance speeches and play the music to herd everyone off the stage before they've barely had a minute to compose themselves from the shock.

The only problem I really have to complain about in relation to the Oscars is the number of things people find to complain about, in regards to them. The show is fine, and let's not forget that it IS a show and that's why there are all those dance numbers and tributes. It is the one night of the year where the stars come to celebrate their craft -well, its one of like eight actually, but it's the most important one of the eight- so lets just let the show be a freaking show without complaining about the fact that you got nothing out of the entire cast of SCRUBS coming and recreating their favorite scene from THE DEPARTED with shadow puppets.

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Mouthing Off
Every other Thursday

Mouthing Off is the no bull, tell it like it is column on various issues in the Hollywood arena. You want PC, then keep on moving, you won't get it here.

Other Columns
Other columns by Jeff Winston:

The Money Pitt

Movies of South Korea

I Vant to Suck your Blud

Aren't Getting Their Due

Finally Getting Their Due - Underrated Actors

All Columns

Jeff Winston
I am a part time writer and full time teacher. I am currently stationed in the middle of nowhere, northern Alberta, Canada. I love movies, and I love to vent, I am happy to have an outlet to incorporate both here on Matchflick.

If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Jeff Winston by clicking here.

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