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History's News
by Jonathan Alexandratos

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As a film columnist, I am often asked many questions. "Yo, wasn't BOOTY CALL the greatest movie ever made?" "Do you deduct DVD purchases from your taxes?" and my personal favorite, "Did you know a monkey could do what you do?" Well, today I will answer those questions but first I would like to address something else that may be on your mind: what remakes do we still have to look forward to? To respond, I'll take a break from my usual compare-two-films format and give you the latest in remake news.

On the 23rd of November, you can see the new YOURS, MINE, AND OURS, with Dennis Quaid and Rene Russo taking over for Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball. The film is directed by Raja Gosnell of MRS. DOUBTFIRE and PRETTY WOMAN fame. All in all, the direction looks steady, the acting doesn't seem like much to sneeze at, and the picture will most likely sink to the bottom of the sea of filmmaking, where it will be greeted by the downed vessel that is the CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN remake, next to the seaweed of the new THE LONGEST YARD, destined to look up at the grand steamships of CASABLANCA and GONE WITH THE WIND for all eternity (warning: this metaphor may not be suitable for young audiences).

December 14th bears the release of the new KING KONG. This one actually seems worth the price of admission. The film is directed by Peter Jackson, and stars Adrian Brody, Jack Black, Naomi Watts, and Andy Serkis as King Kong (I guess Gollum popped a few steroids). It won't be Fay Wray, but it also won't be Jessica Lange.

Later, on the 16th, a revised ALL THE KING'S MEN is due out. Even if this film does great at the box office, I can't imagine a world where it beats it's extraordinary ancestor. Also in December, we get to have more FUN WITH DICK AND JANE, as Jim Carrey probably one-ups Steven Segal. John Carpenter's THE FOG is also being reworked for this year. It's probably a good choice for a remake, as the original wasn't an outstanding movie. THE CABINET OF DR. CALIGARI brings us into 2006, but this looks like a small art house picture, so I'm not sure about availability. I hear rumors of a new CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON, SUNSET BOULEVARD, STRANGERS ON A TRAIN (may Adam Sandler please have nothing to do with it), and RIFFI set for sometime in the next two years.

Well, there. I did everything short of doing any actual research to bring you the very best in remake news. Hopefully, it gives you some titles to be anxious about, and many more to dread. As for the other questions: nope, maybe, and who said I wasn't a monkey?

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I'll Be Back... Again
Every other Wednesday

For anyone who's ever been told "You should have seen the original," this column provides insight into any film thatís been remade, rehashed, or re-envisioned.


Other Columns
Other columns by Jonathan Alexandratos:

Hey, I'm Telling People What To Do!

Turkey and APES

Adultery!

Titanic Remakes

History's News II

All Columns


Jonathan Alexandratos
Jonathan is a college student in New York. He is already an accomplished writer, having completed 3 full-length plays and numerous poems. He is also working on his first book.


Contact
If you have a comment, question, or suggestion, you can send a message to Jonathan Alexandratos by clicking here.


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